Thread by @aditya_mani_jha

<Alright, shit just got real. I am at the '1st Conference on National Commission For Men', at the Constitution Club. Lots of beady-eyed volunteers in bright yellow tees, committed to fighting for 'Real Gender Justice> #MRA #MenInYellow

<The logo/insignia for the afternoon is ---- a balanced scale. Just that. A 90s MS Paint-job. Against a block backdrop.... of solid yellow> #MRA #MenInYellow

<Because this is the Constitution Club, we are running 10 mins late already, waiting for Our Esteemed Guest. Meanwhile, volunteers are buzzing around the place. Pamphlets and fevered pitches. And yellowness. Rather like a dysfunctional honeycomb at the moment> #MRA #MenInYellow

<It's begun. Somewhat predictably, the 'Welcome Note' is delivered by... two women> #MRA #MenInYellow

<"It is said we are a patriarchal nation. But when men are preyed upon by women, nobody helps him. Hum maante hi nahi to mard ko dard hotaa hai"> #MRA #MenInYellow

<HOLY SHIZZZ OUR ESTEEMED GUESTS ARE ACTUALLY 2 NETAS.....AND @poojabeditweets > #MRA #MenInYellow #LolWhut

<"Pooja Bedi ka sammaan kiya jaaye, taaliyaan rukni nahi chahiye pleeeeeeease"> #MRA #MenInYellow

<Hari Narayan Rajbhar, the MP who recently floated the idea of a Men's Commission in Parliament, is the other Esteemed Guest> #MRA #MenInYellow

<People speaking terrible Hindi onstage is among other things, a certainty among people introducing netas. The phrase 'kadi nindaa' has been uttered or rather, mangled. Bhaasha pe hag do, lekin patriotic naare se khatm karo, toh sab taali maarte hain SMH> #MRA #MenInYellow

<Anshul Verma, the other MP who thinks Men's Commission is the shizz, takes the stage. 'Durghatnaaein ghat rahi hain', he thunders. No shit, bro. Looking at a grown-ass durghatnaa right now> #MRA #MenInYellow

<Mr Verma, who insists his daampatya jeevan is very sukhad indeed, thinks that the issue is not of men winning or women losing, but of the family benefitting from 'stree dhan'> #MRA #MenInYellow

<Wow. Just wow. Mr Verma just pointed at the low conviction rates in cases of spousal cruelty/dowry and basically said, "see, it's a sham"> #MenInYellow #MRA

<"Kya hamaare sehne ki kshamtaa kam ho gayi hai?" Mr Verma asks slyly. Two women sitting ahead of me gasp very audibly. Mr Verma says that women should understand that " phal se lade ped ko jhuknaa hi padtaa hai". Not gasps anymore, more like audible eyerolls> #MRA #MenInYellow

<"Pro woma should not be anti man." With that nugget of Glucon D wisdom, Mr Verma exits stage left> #MRA #MenInYellow

<"I was told Pooja ji agar aap ethnic kapde pehnengi toh acchaa hogaa", @poojabeditweets says> Show of hands, who is surprised? #MRA #MenInYellow

<Pooja Bedi rattles off a list of women's causes she has spoken/written about> #MRA #MenInYellow

<Pooja Bedi building a very impressive sculpture, made entirely of straw men> #MRA #MenInYellow

<"When a man whistles at a woman, harassment. When a woman whistles at a man, it's empowerment. How does that make sense?"> #MRA #MenInYellow

<A lot of sentences with Pooja Bedi saying 'consensual sex'. Some volunteers sniggering at Bedi landing the x-sound with gusto everytime> #MenInYellow #MRA

<"When a man and a woman have consensual sex. And they enjoy it. And it's consensual. And they break up after. What gives her the right to cry rape?"> #MRA #MenInYellow

<"If marital rape is such a big issue, why is men being denied sex not being discussed" Bedi receives a... thunderstorm of applause and... something a lot like ambient jungle sounds> #MRA #MenInYellow

<"In offices men have cameras in their rooms. What if a girl comes and tears off her clothes and says, 'Pay me or I cry rape'? These extortions are so common now" WOW. Pooja Bedi really going for the jugular here. > #MRA #MenInYellow

<Pooja Bedi ends with the most popular middle school debate line of the late 90s: "Justice delayed is justice denied"> #MRA #MenInYellow

<"Aaj aitihasik din hai", MP Rajbhar says. Gotta admit, the thought has crossed my mind. What if he is right? What if they do succeed in this hare-brained legislative bid works? What if this is the Ground Zero of a Meninism Noveau for India, most of all for the #MenInYellow ?>

<"Aaj desh jal raha hai, ek dar ka maahaul hai". Oh, Mr Rajbhar, do you know how right you are? Let me count the ways> #MRA #MenInYellow

<Mr Rajbhar is very upset at the rampant spread of protectionist laws for women in India. "Mitron, (he says, with a Modiesque twinkle in his eyes), is desh ke prataadit purush agar rahenge hi nahi, toh mahilaaoon ke jeevan ka bhi koi arth nahi"> #MRA #MenInYellow

<Translation: "If the oppressed men of India fade away, the women in their lives will have meaningless lives, too"> #MRA #MenInYellow

<Mr Rajbhar now gets to what he was just dying to say: Feminists do not want equality, do not want the institution of marriage to be a strong one. Oh, and Modi ji is the most nyay-priya (justice-loving; transliteration) PM we have had or will ever have> #MRA #MenInYellow

<Barkha ji and Deepika ji, the two people who helped bring this shindig about, lead a war cry/shamanic chant: "WE WANT MEN'S COMMISSION! WE WANT MEN'S COMMISSION!"> #MRA #MenInYellow

<Deepika ji expresses her commitment to the cause of shaming that one dude whose car is blocking the entrance to the venue> #MRA #MenInYellow #HowManyMenDoesItTakeToParkACar

<Chai break, kadi nindaa to resume soon. Your correspondent off to catch @dhrubo127 > #MRA #MenInYellow

<A quick loo break later, one of the worker bees in yellow has grabbed my seat. He now gets up... for a white-haired lady with a cane. What about my frickin rights you... you FEMINIST?!> #MenInYellow #MRA

<Dr Rakesh Kapur droning on and on about "importance of fathers". Something about fatherless elephants in Kruger Park going on a rhino-killing spree. Yes, Doctor. These pachyderms were clearly radicalized by their militant, trunk-wagging lesbian moms, got it> #MRA #MenInYellow

<By stopping fathers from "rough play with kids", we will have a world full of "risk-averse people", Dr Kapur says. Rough play. Trying to wrap my head around this. Wow. Did I say wow already?> #MRA #MenInYellow

<Dr Kapur saying 'ace' a lot. ACE=Adverse Childhood Experience for Dr Kapur. Don't nobody tell him about Todd from BoJackHorseman, yougaizzzz> #TheseAcesBeWild #MRA #MenInYellow

<"You can keep fighting with your husbands. Can you learn to put the child's need first?" Dr Kapur speaks to women in his most avuncular voice. Kinda like a really sastaa Ameen Sayani> #MRA #MenInYellow #BudgetSayani

<Deepika ji reminds the audience for the 437th time that at 7 pm the docu "Martyrs of Marriage" will be screened. The film has been made by... Deepika ji. Boyohboy lemme slip out real quick for some popcorn> #MRA #MenInYellow

<Deepika ji introduces a doctor who researches prostate cancer. But she finds it absolutely necessary to do so by saying that breast cancer research has so many backers in India, while prostate cancer patients are suffering. This is a #TroopsAreDying argument> #MRA #MenInYellow

<Meet Dr Rawal. He says women are naturally primed to outlive men, their bodies are equipped to deal with "firstly menses, then pregnancy. If you ask me, men are weak beasts" He says this is why we should invest in men's health rather than female reprod. health> #MRA #MenInYellow

<Heading out for a breather and a cigarette. Stay tuned because the next speaker is 'social activist' and semi-professional Arnab-whisperer @RahulEaswar The hits they keep on cominggggg> #MRA #MenInYellow

<Even Deepika ji looks relieved at Dr Rawal's exit> #MRA #MenInYellow

<Deepika ji wondering whether she and the campaign are popular on Twitter right now. 🙄🙄🙄> #MenInYellow #MRA

<Boooo. @RahulEaswar delayed. Up right now, lawyer/self described #MRA Shonee Kapoor, whose yuuuge picture has him caressing his own left cheek tenderly. Presumably tending to the spot where a fed-up woman slapped him. He is distressed about 'biased laws'> #MRA #MenInYellow

<Shonee Kapur just brought up Nirbhaya. Wow. I am saying wow a lot, aren't I?> #MRA #MenInYellow

<Shonee Kapoor is distressed at the false-marriage-promise subcategory of rape, as defined under Indian law. "When the sex was happening it was consensual, no?" I tremble in the face of your wisdom, noble Shonee> #MRA #MenInYellow

<Deepika ji says that being a woman she was "late to the movement". Calls for bipartisan support for MRAs. This is a rather telling comment. There is no doubt that the Modi era has fostered an atmosphere of meninism. But it could have been someone else too> #MRA #MenInYellow

<"Feminism is so strong today because women of all political opinions set their differences aside to fight together for a cause. Men also must come together" Deepika ji is feeling it. Pretty sure she is air-guitaring in her head right now> #MRA #MenInYellow

<If one more dude laments the mard-ko-dard-nahi-hotaa line onstage, I shall curse them to one of Mr Shah's gulags> #MenInYellow #MRA

<"Boys are suffering. They have been taught that our body parts are dirty, that (gulps) 'PAAAANISS' is a dirty word". Smooth segue there by Mr Shivapriya Alok, maker of a docu about 'neglect and apathy' towards male survivors of sexual abuse> #MenInIndia #MRA

<According to Mr Alok, men/boys are much more at risk for rape/sexual assault, because, you know, every rapist/molester out there is scared of India's cast iron laws-to-protect-women> #MenInYellow #MRA

<Deepika ji is very convinced that women all over India are secretly chappal-slapping their husbands. I have no snark left to offer on this> #MRA #MenInIndia

<The evening, it seems, will not feature @RahulEaswar after all. But the #MRA rockstar Anil Kumar, cofounder of 'Save Indian Family Foundation' (the organisers today), takes the stage to wrap up things> #MRA #MenInYellow

<"If a man talks about his marital problems people make fun of them, they call him 'gay'!" Anil Kumar says. Polite (?) sniggers. WOW. And now of course he cites Jordan Peterson. Of course> #MRA #MenInYellow

<"Feminists have come up with this new thing: toxic masculinity. Toxic masculinity, toxic masculinity, toxic masculinity! It's all nonsense!" Anil Kumar >

<"If men are the source of all the problems of the world, study men! Why do you want 'women's studies'? Anil Kumar> #MRA #MenInYellow

<Deepika ji has announced, jokingly(?), that Anil Kumar will be presented with a Lifetime Achievement Award> #MRA #MenInIndia

<"Dusht stree ka ek hi samaadhaan, kadi se kadi sazaa ka pravdhaan" (Only one way to tame the wicked lady/ Throw 'em in the slammer and swallow the key) --- Some loud lady who just wished death for ex-girlfriends of the MRAs in the room> #MRA #MenInYellow

<.... And that's a wrap. Deepika ji bids adieu with the vote of thanks. I miss her already> #MRA #MenInYellow

<Thank you to everybody who read this thread. Everybody who liked and tweeted. Everybody who's scrolling down to this point. Now if you'll excuse me, I have a soul-void to fix, and I think it's shaped like several glasses of whiskey> #MRA #MenInYellow