B Kansara Profile picture
Oct 14, 2017 23 tweets 4 min read Twitter logo Read on Twitter
Peter Subramani was sitting in a large, secret room inside a large Mushroom, and smiled as he looked at a large board on the large wall. 1/
The Mushroom had other large rooms too. A "Miracle Room" for training new #Subraminis to dance like demented monkeys for a miracle cure. 2/
A "Media Room" which sent simple messages to #Subraminis and their cohorts through #WTF so that they repeat these like demented parrots. 3/
An unnamed, secretive room with a large door and #seven locks. No one knew what happened inside as even shrieks cannot be heard outside. 4/
Peter was looking at the large board. It had a large map of India on the left, with red pin-tacks all over it. A #rosary hung on the top. 5/
On the top right Peter saw the huge operating margin, with revenue (schools, rents, movies...) towering over expenses (mostly rice bags). 6/
Below that was a rather long list which Peter kept track of. On its top was:

-> Schools
-> Syllabi
-> Rules
-> Teachers
-> ... 7/
The list continued:

-> Movies
-> Music
-> Standups
-> ...

-> Temples
-> Festivals
-> Customs
-> Tribal
-> ... 8/
And then: Land, Hills, Court, Finance, and many more. Against each was a tick mark, some green (Land, School) and some yellow (Customs). 9/
Against "Festivals", Peter made a similar green mark, moved his hands towards "Courts", a green mark, and then to "Media", a green mark. A/
"A huge victory without any data," said Peter to himself and laughed. It was now time for the "Department of Daily Distractions," or D3. B/
D3 was founded after White Beard became the PM, fearing a backlash. The first distraction of "Mushrooms under Attack" was a huge success. C/
As Peter found out that White Beard and Black Beard were busy, and no one else in their party cared about anything, he empowered D3 more. D/
D3 had the blessings of She Who Shall Not Be Named, and therefore, its membership grew rapidly with each "Hail Mary!" shouted by Peter. E/
Every two-bit author, every failed journalist, every hamming actor, every English-flaunting liberal, contributed to Daily Distractions. F/
The whole idea of D3 was to create daily distractions which would keep White Beard's govt. busy, and Peter could continue with His work. G/
Of late D3 was facing stiff #resistance from #OHM, Organized Hindu Movement, its only nemesis. Maybe the Courts could take care of them? H/
OHM had obliterated the story on Black Beard's son, but D3 got away this time as #WTF messages went viral anyway. Damn those brackets! I/
D3 still got their way, from getting their favorite placard holder on their global magazine, to banning the big festival citing health. J/
Since OHM fought over matters of profundity and fecundity, D3 was under the impression that OHM would disappear soon. It was not to be. K/
In a room lit with diyās, with eyes closed, the saffron-clad djinn was chanting "Jai Śri Rām". With every chant, OHM grew more powerful. L/
With every chant, somewhere the sky sparkled with fireworks, and as everyone chanted together, the sky turned deep saffron with delight. M/
The djinn smiled and said to Black Beard, "It is a long battle, but the first shot has been fired, literally in the form of crackers!" /END

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More from @gbkansara

Sep 15, 2017
Abdul Malik was feeling bored, as his better four-fifths had taken to WhatsApp readily after TT was banned by the SC. So he rubbed his... 1/
...lamp. The djinn appeared, dressed like a fan of Bappi Lahiri who'd fallen in love with Lady Gaga, and shouted, "What do you want now?" 2/
Abdul said, "Show me a *big* miracle."

The djinn waved its hands and poof! A Boeing stood in the front with the letters PIA on the side. 3/
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