Thread by @anne_theriault

I guarantee you every cis-hetero man you know has, at some point, not gotten good consent from a woman (or worse) for a sexual act

This is not a thread to point fingers or vilify men. This is a thread to talk about what we actually mean by "rape culture."

No, we don't mean all men are rapists. We mean that we all live in & participate in a culture that romanticizes & normalizes sexual assault

Sexual assault is an umbrella term that applies to all kinds of unwanted sexual acts. It includes rape but is not limited to rape.

There is so much media in our culture that portrays non-consent as sexy, fun and normal. We all absorb this media.

I guarantee every cis-het man you know has touched a woman without her consent. Kissed a woman. Maybe even had sex with her.

This isn't because all men are monsters or animals or rapists. This is because lots & lots of dudes still don't know what good consent means

We can't have a conversation about sexual assault til we start from the baseline of #YesAllMen & have uncomfortable talks w/the men we love

Or, better yet, have men have those uncomfortable talks with each other.

As allegations continue to come out against people like Weinstein, there will be men who push back because they don't understand consent

They will see themselves in some of the allegations made (unwanted kissing or touching, maybe, or aggressively pursuing women)

And they'll think "I've done that and I'm not a monster. I love women. I love my wife. I have a daughter. Rape is bad. I know that."

And they'll think "If I've done these things and I know I'm not bad, then these women making these accusations must be vindictive liars"

Nothing will change until men start seeing how they participate in non-consent & viewing their sexual behaviour through the lens of consent

Men, you don't have to admit it out loud. In fact, if you, it'll probably make women really uncomfortable. But admit it to yourself.

Admit it to your dude friends. Say, "Hey, I did this thing once and at the time it seemed ok but in retrospect it was really fucked up."

And tell your dude friends, gently at first, when they do stuff to women that's fucked up.

These two things are your main roles in ending a culture of casual non-consent. They sound really easy. They aren't.

But I guarantee they'll do a lot more good than being like I CAN'T BELIEVE THIS NEWS ABOUT HARVEY WEINSTEIN FUCK THIS TERRIBLE WORLD

For those of you looking for a primer on how our culture normalizes & celebrates non-consent, this is a good start: bustle.com/p/17-romantic-…

Or here, with the fact that one of the most iconic “romantic” images of the 20th century depicts non-consent feministing.com/2012/10/04/ico…