Empress Matilda: you’re really going to call this dynasty “Plantagenet”?
Empress Matilda: after a trifling duke?
Empress Matilda: because you would rather have a dude’s name on something than acknowledge a woman?
Empress Matilda: HE WASN’T EVEN MY BEST HUSBAND
Empress Matilda: “Great by birth, greater by marriage, greatest in her offspring”
Empress Matilda: WHO WROTE THIS FUCKING EPITAPH
Empress Matilda: I DID NOT DO ALL THIS HARD FUCKING WORK
Empress Matilda: ONLY TO HAVE DUDES GET CREDIT FOR IT
A small word about these “starter witch kits” that Sephora is going to be selling this fall (just in time for the saison de la sorcière, no less)
1. As others have pointed out, the inclusion of white sage is problematique. Smudging is a sacred practice in many Indigenous communities in the Americas and it’s appropriative when white people do it. Also there’s a white sage shortage.
2. The art is directly copied from the Old Memories Tarot (with a bonus ... Prince symbol?), which is a really bad look
Mr Darcy: I have a total boner for you in spite of your gauche, plebeian family
Mr Darcy: and will stoop to marry you
Lizzie Bennet: wow cool, I feel so flattered
Mr Darcy: oh I’m so SORRY that my PERSONAL TRUTHS are hard for you, pardon ME for being a man who has FEELINGS
Mr Darcy: your mother makes my skin crawl w/2nd hand embarrassment
Mr Darcy: and your sister is frankly not good enough to marry my friend
Lizzie Bennet: you’re a dick
Mr Darcy: wow I thought you were into radical vulnerability and the honest sharing of feelings, but I guess not!
Mr Darcy: here, I wrote you a letter explaining everything
Lizzie, squinting: this letter just reiterates how disgusted you are by everyone in my family except me and Jane?
Mr Darcy: keep reading, because I’m about to talk some big shit about the man you love
Canadian provinces as personality types, a thread by me, a Canadian
BRITISH COLUMBIA
- too beautiful for this world
- wears makeup that makes them look like they’re not wearing makeup
- “beachy waves”
- somehow makes a dirty old t-shirt and shorts look adventurous & sexy
- extremely enviable instagram
- claims to have invented juicing
ALBERTA
- aggro
- grew up playing hockey
- brags about how much they spend
- secretly sensitive and insecure
- a sucker for beauty
- just wants to be taken seriously
- keeps a burn book about the other provinces
- actually very kind when you get to know them
Characters from Little Women as personality types:
MEG MARCH:
- practical (TM)
- “working class” but has a servant
- just wants nice things, ok???
- secretly seething with spite
- spits in Aunt March’s drink
- high sex drive
- gives withering looks
- “my mom is my best friend”
- wishes u would like her selfies on insta
JO MARCH:
- Misunderstood Genius (TM)
- has read more than u & wants u to know it
- won’t stop yelling about gender
- does tarot readings
- says “who cares??” but cares VERY MUCH
- likes butts
- just wants u to leave her alone for 5 FUCKING MINUTES like CAN SHE HAVE SOME SPACE
Because people keep asking me for actual personality types based on Henry VIII’s wives, here you go:
CATHERINE OF ARAGON:
- Long-Suffering (TM)
- loves u in spite of ur flaws
- WILL call the pope on u, tho
- “cuts loose” after half a glass of wine
- dances like Elaine from Seinfeld
- secretly scream-cries into a pillow at night but tells u she’s fine
ANNE BOLEYN:
- unrepentant francophile
- snark-master
- fAsHiOn
- bad case of resting bitchy face
- workaholic
- everything she says sounds WAY meaner out loud than it did in her head
- “don’t @ me!!!”
- tough exterior, but loves u more than u can imagine