Empress Matilda: you’re really going to call this dynasty “Plantagenet”?
Empress Matilda: after a trifling duke?
Empress Matilda: because you would rather have a dude’s name on something than acknowledge a woman?
Empress Matilda: HE WASN’T EVEN MY BEST HUSBAND

A small word about these “starter witch kits” that Sephora is going to be selling this fall (just in time for the saison de la sorcière, no less) 1. As others have pointed out, the inclusion of white sage is problematique. Smudging is a sacred practice in many Indigenous communities in the Americas and it’s appropriative when white people do it. Also there’s a white sage shortage.

Mr Darcy: I have a total boner for you in spite of your gauche, plebeian family
Mr Darcy: and will stoop to marry you
Lizzie Bennet: wow cool, I feel so flattered
Mr Darcy: oh I’m so SORRY that my PERSONAL TRUTHS are hard for you, pardon ME for being a man who has FEELINGS Mr Darcy: your mother makes my skin crawl w/2nd hand embarrassment
Mr Darcy: and your sister is frankly not good enough to marry my friend
Lizzie Bennet: you’re a dick
Mr Darcy: wow I thought you were into radical vulnerability and the honest sharing of feelings, but I guess not!

Canadian provinces as personality types, a thread by me, a Canadian BRITISH COLUMBIA
- too beautiful for this world
- wears makeup that makes them look like they’re not wearing makeup
- “beachy waves”
- somehow makes a dirty old t-shirt and shorts look adventurous & sexy
- extremely enviable instagram
- claims to have invented juicing

Characters from Little Women as personality types: MEG MARCH:
- practical (TM)
- “working class” but has a servant
- just wants nice things, ok???
- secretly seething with spite
- spits in Aunt March’s drink
- high sex drive
- gives withering looks
- “my mom is my best friend”
- wishes u would like her selfies on insta

Because people keep asking me for actual personality types based on Henry VIII’s wives, here you go: CATHERINE OF ARAGON:
- Long-Suffering (TM)
- loves u in spite of ur flaws
- WILL call the pope on u, tho
- “cuts loose” after half a glass of wine
- dances like Elaine from Seinfeld
- secretly scream-cries into a pillow at night but tells u she’s fine

Jordan Peterson: the radical left wants to eliminate hierarchies
Jordan Peterson: which makes me feel PERSONALLY attacked
Jordan Peterson: bc as a white man I should be most powerful!
Jordan Peterson: uh I mean my ~philosophy~ is all about helping people & not about my feelings Jordan Peterson: chaos is feminine
Jordan Peterson: order is masculine
Jordan Peterson: I have no actual basis for this declaration so I can’t cite any sources, but *bangs gavel* I declare these to be incontrovertible facts!!

I don’t have any amazing hot takes on the fact that the man responsible for yesterday’s tragedy in Toronto is allegedly a self-identified incel Elliot Rodger superfan. I’m mostly just sad and tired. Feminists have been writing about the online radicalization of misogynists for years. A lot of people have dismissed and ridiculed what we’ve said. But make no mistake: misogyny kills, both on a grand scale like this and on a much smaller, more personal scale.

Joan of Arc: men can’t finish anything they start
Joan of Arc: not even wars 💅
Dauphin: if women are so great why don’t u fix this
Joan of Arc, pulling armour out from under bed: so glad you asked Joan of Arc: there’s nothing witchy about me
Joan of Arc: sure, Merlin foretold my coming from a grove of oak trees and yes I was sacrificed to save my country like the pagan kings of old
Joan of Arc: but that’s super normal

Cleopatra: looks like we had twins
Cleopatra: I named them after two great world leaders
Mark Antony: I love you too, babe
Cleopatra: no I mean after Alexander the Great and also me Cleopatra: one of them has the middle name Sun and the other one has the middle name moon
Mark Antony: that’s a bit....
Cleopatra: welcome to Ancient Egypt, The Land Of Being Extra

Mary Queen of Scots: oh no my abusive husband died tragically in an explosion
Investigator: but his body was found on the other side of the building without any pants and he seems to have been strangled
Mary, filing her nails: sounds like how explosions work to me How many history jokes do i have to make on twitter before this rTMS essay writes itself? asking for a friend

I just realized that A Christmas Carol is a good example of why telling poor people to pull themselves up by their bootstraps is ridiculous Bob Cratchit is the perfect example of someone who tried to pull himself out of poverty with education and a “good job.” He’s literate, clearly educated, and works for a financial firm.

Tomorrow is 100th anniversary of the Halifax Explosion. My great-grandfather was a survivor of the explosion. I know I've told this story before but I'm gonna tell it one more time because 100th anniversary. My great-grandfather's name was William Cave and he grew up in Halifax's North End. He was 14 when the explosion happened. It was his first day of work.

I guarantee you every cis-hetero man you know has, at some point, not gotten good consent from a woman (or worse) for a sexual act This is not a thread to point fingers or vilify men. This is a thread to talk about what we actually mean by "rape culture."

I want to do one of those "one like equals one fact about me" tweets except it would be "one like equals one fact about Sylvia Plath" ALL RIGHT YOU INSATIABLE MONSTERS, HERE COME 217 FACTS ABOUT SYLVIA PLATH
*CRACKS KNUCKLES* BUCKLE UP AND/OR MUTE ME