Thread by @ItsUncleStephen

Where you ever in that class where no day goes by without y'all receiving mass flogging? Like if at the end of a day, the class doesn't get flogged, you have to take a cane and flog yourself because your day is incomplete.

That was SS3d for me.

Brethren,
Issa thread

The entire school was tired of us.Our list of misdemanour could fill an 80 leaves 'black book' and there would still be more to write.From organising Garri carnival in class to 2 doing BF and GF(a big crime then) to giving Abdul urine disguised as la casera cos he was a snitch

Cane? You go flog tire na.We had developed thick skin to even the worst of punishments.In our 300 Sparta voice we where screaming at the school as they came up with new ways to punish us "is there no one else?"

Ladies and gentlemen I regret to inform you, someone else came.

We had a teacher Miss Cecelia, Who taught english but because she was so endowed, we were understanding Biology. She was writing on the board when,blood of Ikorodu! a new student passed and took the attention of the entire class. It was almost like she was walking in slow motion

Boy was she packing it! If there was a school of endowment, babe was a prof while miss Cecelia was still in creche, playing with blon-blon and drinking ribena.

Progress, Yes Progress again(He  has been unfortunate from forever) whistled and shouted Chisos!

We ruptured in lafta

What's Funny? Miss cecelia enquired, fuming. The more she asked the more raucous the laughter got. She had had enough.Minutes later, Principal was in class.

'SS3D again. We will deal with you people.You will suffer'

We looked at him like na today

We were bundled downstairs.Under the sun, we knelt down.Then they went to the room of canes (yes we had that) and fetched their finest, but we had built up Odeshi, their canes were now like the silky touch of a good masseuse. Bring it on we said and then....

GHEN GHEN.

The school gate opened and a man sporting a black suit, black shirt, white tie and dark abacha-like shades, stepped in. We knew him.

It was BAR-JESUS.

We were royally screwed.The man was a legend. Let me explain

My school had over 5 branches spread across Lagos nd bar-jesus was a legend known 4 his flogging prowess.People who had experienced it said it was d closest thing as hot as hell fire. Man had sanitized a stubborn branch in 3months so well, students there had halos on their heads

"Who are these people kneeling down" he asked.

Mtchewww nonsense what else did he expect to hear? Oh they are our best students we just kept them here to tan their skin a little.

Men!!! When he asked that question, brethren it was testimony time. Our sins were listed.

Everybody had something to say. The queue to bear witness of our wahala was so long that even baba gateman was like 'ah! Dis shidren. Fery stupporn.Very bad! Aspayaring cultisims. Dis ones. Devuu children'  which he sealed by spitting on the floor. We looked at him like but why?

After hearing it all, he turned to us, devil that he was, his eyes red and mirroring death.The horns on his head lengthening and pointy. His tail whipping here and there, his fork sharp, ready to fuck us up.

'So you people are the terrors here. Your reign ends today'

Baba took off His suit slowly

Removed his wrist watch
Undid his tie and gave to a teacher
Untucked his shirt.
Rolled up his sleeves
Folded up his trouser
Removed his belt.
Removed his shoe.
Removed his socks.
Asked for slippers.

As he performed this ritual as d flogging eze mmuo that he was, he even drew a small box on the floor and put palm frond on his lips den drew a white circle on his eye.Or maybe not but brethren i was afraid, my spirit was paining me and i was imagining things

Word had already spread round that barJesus Vs SS3D fight was happening live and everyone crowded at the corridor to witness it. Sadly amongst the watchers was my GF then surrounded by her friends to see if her HERO would cry.

Izzit not ogun that'll kill hero like this?

Also in every class, there is that number one chester of cane. You can flog them with the devil himself and they'll not flinch. Our oga pata pata was Kehinde and deep in belief of her abilities, when we lined up for our cane communion,she took d lead. Me jejely dey middle abeg

She stepped into the box.We were all going to receive as the mad man said,Just 6 strokes. If you stepped out of the box, he restarts.Kehinde was unperturbed. Like baba do this thing let me leave here.But that was until the first stroke landed Tawai!!!!

Brethren it was different

It's like when the best student in your class get an F in a course. Who are you to check your result? Like on what basis?

Tawai!!!! By the time the third stroke landed, Kehinde had run beserk and was crying.

I looked up to heaven like so this is how it ends

That day was bloody. People were calling on known and unknown gods. Two strokes and Progress ran to the gate.It was baba-gateman that caught him and brought him back.After he had managed to receive his 6, he was walking to staffroom instead of SS3D. Nonsense whistle blower

My turn never even reach but brethren my backside was like hot pressing iron. My turn reached and as i approached the box, i looked up to see my GF blowing me kisses and it seemed telling her friends ' you'll see my hero won't cry'. Then someone shouted even you class captain!

BarJesus on hearing this, asked me to stand aside. In his words "oh so you're their leader"

Ah!

I looked at him like sir I'm a follower not a leader.I am a tail and not the head. Sir i swear to amadioha and the gods of kanayo o kanayo in evil men part 2. I have never lead anything in my life(sniffs) sir have mercy dont listen to my enemies

Hey Chineke god of Aba! 
Sir plis

He finished flogging everybody and i cast my eyes at the rubble.We had been bulldozed.E reach my turn baba asked for water first.Even drank two cups.I'm like sir why? Is like instead of flog as my name is stephen u want 2 stone me. Why lubricate your wickedness with water?

First stroke Tawai!! E enter. I looked up. Babe is looking at me like honey don't disappoint me. Don't cry. Be a man. IMBESIDE. If they flog your father like this won't he cry. I'm a woman my friend. I have a soft side too wazzaldis.  I held the cry but inside me was like .

By the 4th tawaii, i could feel the pain on a molecular level. My ass cells had died, the atoms therein disintegrated. But i held back the tears. They were knocking on the door of my eyes but i looked up to my gf from where my strength cometh thus.

5th stroke my leg wanted to leave the circle but i willed it back.My buttocks had swollen to the size of the babe that caused the problem.

Finally the 6th one tiyatatatawaiii! My eyes were closed and when i opened them.Everywhere was white. Brethren i had died and gone to heaven

The haze cleared and with my elephant bumbum and new walking step, i found my way to my class, looking like an IDP camp, sorrow everywhere.

I couldn't sit still. My ass was vibrating me from one end of my seat to the other. Few hours later closing bell rang

My sweetheart and her friends were quickly in my class, admiring how strong i was and praising her. The more they praised, the closer i was to tears. It was close. I could feel it. The tears, it would come anytime now. I excused myself from walking her home and took a bike home

I undressed and examined the lines on my buttocks unlike the ones in the bible, they hadn't fallen for me in pleasant places. As i felt the welts, a tear broke, nothing serious. I could hold it i thought till, at that same time, that exact moment, Progress called me like

"Guy! Guy! You strong o. Tell me. How u use do am. I go like tough and resilient like you stevoSamson stevo Chan!"

The tears poured as i wailed in a Chineke mei way, cursing his generation like Whistle na him go kee you this unfortunate element of a boy. Idiot!!!! Get out!

Reply this thread with the name of that teacher whose cane was hell in secondary school. Let's hear your gist

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THE END.

With Love
Uncle Stephen

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