Kansara Profile picture
Feb 2, 2018 10 tweets 3 min read Twitter logo Read on Twitter
"What's the forecaste?" asked Faker Doobta.

Pat Riot looked up the billiards table, just about to hit the orange ball with the cue.

"It's overcaste," he replied, and hit the ball right into the pocket. "Although, there is some relief from bye-polls."

Ms Agro sniggered. 1/
"I believe it was the movie," she said, smiling at random strangers. "It should be broadcaste all over ______."

"My girlie," asked Riot, "did you watch the movie?"

"I did, and see what I have been reduced to."

"Reduced?" thought Faker, but he kept this thought to himself. 2/
"A perfect caste though," she continued. "The kohl-lined eyes of the progressive reformer, the disheveled locks of his hair..."

"Where's Raul Cornwall?" interrupted Riot, as Ms Agro went peculiarly dreamy-eyed.

Faker came to the rescue. "Still recovering from the avalanche." 3/
It was no coincidence that Peter Subramani walked in.

Faker, Riot, and Ms Agro kneeled in front of him and kissed his left hand.

"Hail Mary!" shouted Peter, and they repeated the same. "How is Operation First Lady?"

"She's singing like a canary," said Faker sarcasteically. 4/
They all laughed till the chandeliers shook.

"The most watched video of Cornwall," said Riot, "was this toasty tribute to Fairy Canary and her prowess with heeled shoes!"

"Make her a familiar face," said Peter, "and it would make him an outcaste."

"Amen!" chanted the rest. 5/
The budget was being telecaste live, and the four paused to take a look.

Riot opened his Twitter app and a smile spread across his constipated face.

"It's funny," he said, "that the loyal base of White Beard is united by us and divided by him, this time bickering on taxes." 6/
Ms Agro laughed hysterically, like a Juliet who expects Romeo in his usual attire and instead finds him wearing Paris's Burberry jacket.

The hotelier was worried about his clients now.

"His own ministers break the Saffron Castele more effectively than we do," she snickered. 7/
Peter was a little downcaste. "White Beard is creating a new voter base away from the limelight."

Faker smiled, "Isn't that your strength, St. Peter?"

"It is, and it is time to show my strength too," asserted Peter. "We need to replicate the protest model from the South." 8/
Faker nodded, accepting Peter's idea of casterating Vikas through stir-fried Mushrooms.

"Meanwhile," said Faker, "we continue to use #D3 with #WTF as the multipliar. The Beards offer no resistance. They have no allies."

Peter gloated over this and shouted, "Hail Mary!" 9/
Ms Agro, meanwhile, was lost in her thoughts. She watched the TV and felt hungry. She summoned the waiter, asked him what he could bring pronto.

"Pakodas," he replied.

Riot hit him on the nose, and with a holiar-than-thou smile on his face, said, "Shubratri," and left. /END

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More from @kansaratva

Oct 6, 2018
"Who will you vote for?" asked Moh diffidently, for she knew the responses she would get.

"Ugh!" said Eeny with disgust. "Who goes to vote?"

"I heard there is no AC in those trolling booths," added Meeny.

"Polling booths," corrected Moh.

Mynie just shuddered at the thought.
"I meant," lied Moh, "that if you were to *hypothetically* vote for someone who would that be?"

Eeny said, more to herself, "I *love* those dimpled cheeks."

"Me too," said Meeny.

"I adore his dimples too," said Mynie. "He was bloody brilliant in Chak De!"

They all laughed.
"How about Modi?" asked Moh.

Three glasses of wine met the floor at an acceleration of 9.8 m/s² and the spilled wine looked like blood on the shards.

Three pairs of baleful eyes stared at Moh. She was made of sterner stuff than the broken glass.

"How about Modi?" she repeated.
Read 13 tweets
Sep 30, 2018
Nehrendra Chol̠an was the greatest ruler of the Chol̠ā dynasty, whose influence extended to all past, present, future, and unknown regions of the Universe.
I once travelled with a most scholarly taxi driver when in Sangiliyandapuram. A Vulcan, he talked about how Nehrendra and Spock helped sustain Indo-Vulcan ties. Nehrendra gave Vulcans their salute. Live Long and Prosper. 🖖
The carpenter from Krappatti who conned me into refurbishing my kitchen was most knowledgeable. An elf, he talked about how Nehrendra and Elrond worked for Indo-Elven ties. Elen sila lumenn' omentielvo.
Read 4 tweets
Sep 29, 2018
The bubbly quartet walked in and took their usual nook in the terrace bar.

Eeny ordered Cabernet Sauvignon, a suave name for a wine, and along with it, some hors d'oeuvres, a sophisticated name for chakhna.

"Supreme Court finally allows women inside that temple," started Eeny.
Meeny, who had never been to a temple in her life, rolled her eyes up. "Why would anyone go to a temple? It's just oh-so-superstitious."

"Ugh!" chimed in Mynie, who considered her last visit to a temple when she was 3 as a trauma to be remembered.

Moh was sipping her wine.
"It's not about you or me, fellas, but all Hindu women who have been oppressed for centuries by the inherent patisserie," said Eeny, picking up a phrase from some article she had read.

"Patisserie?" asked Moh, feeling hungry. "Did you mean patriarchy?"

"Whatever!" said Eeny.
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Sep 27, 2018
God said, "Let there be Light," and there was light.

And the Light was bright, and God said, "Yippee!"

And God made a vessel to hold the light, and said, "Behold, for this is Lamp!"

It so happened that the light was extinguished and the lamp was broken, and God was dismayed.
And God said unto Herself, "What the," and left the statement incomplete.

And God looked around the enveloping darkness and saw a dark Shape ominously approaching.

The dark Shape said unto God, "You may be the Lady of Light but I am the Doyen of Darkness. I am Andhakar."
And God saw Andhakar, a black outline against the darkness , his black eyes set in a dark face with black hair and black beard.

And God asked unto Andhakar, "What is in your hand?"

And Andhakar lifted his hand and Lo! Behold! A black ribbon appeared and Andhakar cut it atwain.
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Sep 26, 2018
#TeamBOTCH reads the googly well. Surprise. And a dot ball.

What a way to get out by #TeamBJP. Flopping the bat like a sword. Hit wicket. (90000 ₹)
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Sep 23, 2018
Rahul, Kejriwal, and Trudeau walked into a bar.

The bartender saw them, took a deep breath, looked up at the sky-themed ceiling, and said to himself, "It's gonna be a long day."

The bartender greeted them and turned to Rahul, who was in his best torn kurta and untorn jeans.
"Sir, what would you like to have?" he asked.

Rahul grinned confidently and said, "Let me ask you the question. What would *you* like to have?"

The bartender swore under his breath, "I would like to have this evening off."

"Royal Salute? Scotch?" he ventured with a smile.
Rahul's face changed as the grin devolved into a smile and evolved into a frown.

"Royal Salute? Scotch?" he echoed, and called Pidi, who was always there wherever he went.

"Write a tweet," he bellowed in a mellow manner for his voice was not meant to carry far.

Pidi waited.
Read 16 tweets

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