Thread by @StefMLozinski

Thread time.

I can’t remember the last time I was nervous talking to you guys about my life. I always find being open and authentic with you all has brought me so much love.

But here it is.

I’m becoming Catholic. Devout and deeply Catholic.

I am nervous because I feel the impact that you guys have on me. I feel the community we’ve built. I feel the human connections I am blessed with every day. And knowing what I now deeply believe to be true... I feel the deep responsibility I have to get this right.

I am dedicating my life to being like Christ. And to do that... that means I have to live it. To make my words count. To show love even in my imperfect humanness. To not ever lead someone astray from God.

I love you guys. I truly mean that. I have made so many life long connections from this simple beginning of being a girl who wanted to write and do a YouTube show. This last 1.5 years or so has been life changing in so many ways.

You guys, whether you are Christian, Jewish, Atheist, Agnostic... so many people have pushed me to be better. To argue more clearly. To be more logical. To be more kind.

And what I’ve realized is that I had these values... many of these values that improved and were sharpened by my interactions with all of you. The humbling experience of hearing about your lives and especially those times I’ve been given the chance to help you individually.

At the end of January, I went to Texas. I can’t explain too much about it, but it was related to my professional education, and that was what I planned to learn there.

Well, God had other plans. What I ended up experiencing was a come to Jesus moment. One that has shaken the last bit of skepticism of the Christian God being the Author of the Universe and present in my life.

Most of you have seen my cross tattoo. Some of you have seen my sunrise compass tattoo. Few of you know what that tattoo meant. The risen Christ. Direction. It was a tattoo to remind me always where I was to walk.

And many of you have seen me be very cagey about my faith this past year. I was raised Orthodox. I have Orthodox values. I believe Orthodox theology. But I ran from it as a teenager, I got lost.

I could talk for a long time about my faith experiences and seeking truth. But know that this year, I was strongly considering converting to Judaism. For many reasons. Some good, many not so good.

I was living in a way that was out of touch with the truth I already believed. It was breaking me to pieces. And I was so unwilling to see it. I refused to see it. I willfully blinded myself. I just wanted what I wanted.

I was so close to renouncing Christ. So close. I would look at my tattoos, that I always loved, imperfect as they are, with this anger. This anger that I had on my body, forever, this promise I had made.

And I wasn’t thinking about some half measure conversion to Judaism. I wanted to be an Orthodox Jew. And I could not have a tattoo of a cross as an Orthodox Jew.

So I would think about getting it covered up... all the time. It was on my body. It was staring at me. But I was so close to leaving my faith. So close.

My very Orthodox dad hates tattoos. He sees mine very differently today. It was one little thread of who I knew I was that I couldn’t rationalize away.

To make an impossibly long thread a little shorter... God wouldn’t let me go. He dragged me across the continent. He used my work - the one thing in my life I was getting right - to get me to Texas. And there? He sent me three angels.

These 3 Catholics embodied the Trinity in a way that was nothing short of miraculous. They saved my life. The life of my soul. To the point where even my dad, who has been praying for years for me to return to Orthodoxy, has given me his blessing to become Catholic.

And it’s hard to explain what kind of a big deal that is... but I ask you to trust me. For my dad, in his incredible faith, to see God working so strongly, that he would let go of some of his foundational beliefs to let me follow God and “disobey” him... it’s huge.

Catholicism is the one faith I had never considered. I never wanted to be Catholic. I was never drawn to Catholicism. My other journeys in faith have been me making an intellectual choice and trying to seek truth, and that IS so important. I want to know the reasons.

But this time... I can’t deny the God of the Universe. He has called me to become Catholic. I am going to obey Him. The rest, the apologetics and the logic, will fall into place. I know it will. He wants this lost, rebellious child to be Catholic. Who am I to deny it?

I’m not going to be on here constantly lecturing you all about Catholicism all day. Being preachy or judgements isn’t me. I hope you guys know that. I want to love you all - wherever you are on your path. That will never change.

But this past month I have become a new person. I am forever changed. And if you’re the praying kind, I would really appreciate your prayers as I come into full communion with Rome and into a deeper relationship with God every single day.

#Catholic

I cannot believe this has nearly 1,000 likes. So much encouragement. So much kindness. A shoutout from @ConnectCatholic. You guys are awesome. #Catholic