Thread by @UchennaNG

Some months ago I got a DM from someone who said he was my biggest fan, "I'll like us to hangout" he said. I told him I was honoured to have him as a fan.

"Lets meet around Lekki Phase 1" he said, I told him I was going to be free that Saturday evening.

Cool

Hangout😭

Thread

I sent him my number and he called, later that weekend we met at a joint around admiralty and he was excited to finally meet his "favourite Story teller"

"Its nice to meet you too bro" I said as we both went into the bar.

"Wetin you dey drink?" He asked

"Oh Heineken"

"Yeah"

We ordered drinks and some meat & we started to eat, he asked some questions he had been curious about and I answered.

After a while he said he wanted to show me some cool joints on the mainland

"Are you in a hurry?" He asked

"Nah, I'm not"

"Lets check out some places"

"Ok"

We drove off to surulere that night and headed straight to a strip club on Adeniran Ogusanya, the place was nice & the strippers danced like they meant business.

"Would you like a lap dance?"

"As long as it wouldn't kill me"

"Fine girl, give my guy lap dance"

Alright

Issokay

The stripper sat on my laps & started to give me an effortless lapdance, it felt good & bad at the same time as I kept wondering what will happen if my girlfriend saw me.

Few minutes later I noticed some guys enter the strip joint.

"All D way from Kuala Lumpur!" the MC screamed

I saw a couple of young guys like myself enter the club looking all fly, their leader had some nice blings on his neck & had a girl beside him.

The girl looked really beautiful & I noticed her sexy eyes from afar, I looked closely & suddenly!

Somebody say suddenly!

Damn...

It was Lizzy my girlfriend! "Am I dreaming or is this really my girl with a guy who just came all the way from Malay?"

She had told me earlier that day that she was going to visit her cousin, "could that be her cousin?"

"It's ok, get up!" I told the stripper as I got up shocked

I walked up to her, she immediately spotted me & became scared - "What are you doing here?" I asked with an extremely flaming eye, she told me that it was her friend's birthday but that she didn't want to tell me because I'll not let her go.

"We went to school together" she said

She tapped the guy & introduced us, "this is my boyfriend" She said, the guy turned to me & said "Oh this is Uche, the guy that writes those funny mekwe stories?"

I further calmed down, greeted the guy & said "it's my pleasure". "No it's my pleasure bro" he said

"Oh yeah?"

"Please join us" he said "I'm so happy because it's my birthday" he added. At that point I became confused because I had to point towards my table where my "fan" was sitting.

He was sitting & waiting while the stripper was signalling with her finger that I come closer

My girlfriend looked at me & then looked towards where I stood up from, she was about to say something when I held her hands & said "I can explain"

I went back to the other guy, told him to discard the strippers so that we could go & enjoy the "Malay cruise"

He agreed

We went to join the other table and drinks soon began to flow, other girls joined us and DJ was killing it with some Afrobeat.

We drank & forgot to talk about the event that led to us staying on the same table, the hangout was fun & this Malay guy was making it rain on everybody

It was soon time to go home & I walked out with this 'fan' of mine who still wanted some closure, he wanted to hear more stories & I shared those that I could.

Lizzy told me she would go with the Malay guy, "He stays somewhere around & would drop me" she said.

"Alright" I said.

Trusting that she'd be good, I let her go with the Malay guy who I eventually identified as 'Tom', I hugged her & she joined Tom in his car while I left with Ben my 'fan' who eventually dropped me at home.

The next day which was a Sunday, I went to shop at the mall & suddenly!!

I saw Lizzy with Tom, they were walking out of the mall looking happy together - I tapped myself to make sure I wasn't dreaming.

I was actually awake! Looking at my girl who was supposed to be in church with another guy, I walked towards them & Lizzy sighted me.

"Hi baby"

"Hi"

I asked her what she was doing at the mall with Tom looking all pretty, "is his birthday not over?" "Oh! Oh! I see you went to church with him for his birthday thanksgiving" I said.

Lizzy tried to explain but I wouldn't listen, I was jealous but still managed to shake Tom & left

I went into the mall, got what I needed & they were gone by the time I was out. Later that evening Lizzy came over trying to explain

"Don't bother explaining, I trust U" I said, "forget about my reaction, I was jealous" I added.

"You know I love you" Lizzy said & I became calm.

She came close to me & rubbed my head, I put down my guard & her touch weakened my defence mechanism. I tried to say something but she shut my mouth with a kiss

The kiss was the killer move, after the stress of the previous night I just let her take me away & that was it

Mekwe!

Days went by & I had gone back to work mode, I started seeing less of Lizzy & she came up with different excuses whenever I asked we should see.

I waited for the weekend to come but we still didn't see, I asked why & she said she was running erands for her parents.

"Well.. ok"

Weeks went by & the only time I saw Lizzy was at a salon where she was making her hair, I had walked in there by mistake to cut my hair & also watch a football match.

We didn't see after then & I became really worried, I went to her house twice to visit & she was never at home..

I started to suspect that it must have something to do with Tom, I opened my Instagram & the 1st post I saw was Lizzy & Tom.

"I knew it!"

She tagged him so I went to his page & saw more photos of them both.

"Chai! Malay boy dun thief my baby"

While I was wailing my phone rang

I picked the call & it was KK - "Progress dun come back from him training abroad, we dey Circle mall"

"Serious?"

"Yes o"

"I dey come now"

I ended the call & joined them at the mall

"Hope say you go 'abroad' this time o, no be cameroon" I asked Progress when I joined them 😂

"Wetin dey disturb you?" Progress asked when he noticed my mood change after, I wanted to hide it but I couldn't

"I think Lizzy is cheating on me" I said, he asked why I thought so & I just brought out my home to showed him the IG post.

"No be Thomas be this?"

"Who be Thomas?"

"This your matter na wetin Yoruba people dey call aye mi temi bami" Progress added, we all got curious & KK took the phone to take a look.

"You sabi the guy?" I asked Progress, "na ma boy be this for Malay na, I meet am as I go training" he replied.

I became further confused

"Thomas na street boy for Malay wey no get shi shi, him both parents die for village & na me complete him flight money" Progress said, he further added that he sent him some donations from Malaysia recently for the burial.

It still didn't add up because 'Tom' was living large..

I told Progress that it didn't add up because Tom drove a nice SUV, & made it rain the other day at the club. I started to suspect Progress was pulling my legs until he brought out his phone & showed me photos of himself & Tom.

"Chineke nna! I am finished" I wailed when I saw it

"I say this boy na my boy" Progress continued to emphasize, he said it must've been the burial money he was squandering.

"Infact me and am suppose see today, na him suppose pick me from airport because one other of our guy give am their house key to stay anytime him dey Lagos"

Then it started to make sense, Tom was driving someone else's car & living in their house too. My sadness deepened, I became bitter & started to wonder how my Lizzy fell for a scam.

"Oboy this your case critical" Progress said laughing in a bid to make me feel worse & I was like

He noticed I was really pained so he brought out his phone & dialled a number, "where you dey?" He asked as the person picked.. "No worry just send me the address" he said as he ended the call.

"Make we go see Thomas" Progress said as he stood up, we paid for the drinks & left..

We got an Uber to the address Progress received, in less than 15 minutes we got there - paid the driver & went towards the gate.

"I dey gate" Progress said as he made a call, seconds later the gate opened.

"Thomas the doubting baga!" Progress screamed, Tom came out & I saw him.

"Uche the mekwe master" he hailed as he noticed me, I managed to shake him before asking him where Lizzy was.

"Calm down" Progress said, I calmed down. We all went inside, sat down & discussed as men. Progress asked him about his family, the burial & finally about Lizzy.

"She's not here" Tom replied, I asked him why he 'snatched' my girl from me. "I actually wish I did but I didn't" he said & We all became confused.

"I'd barely seen Lizzy in weeks & the last picture she posted was with you" I said, & you both are always together" I added.

Progress intervened and told Thomas that he should say the truth, "Uche na my guy and him papa na retired General" progress lied.

"Bros I no lie" Tom said with a more convincing tone, he said he tried to lure Lizzy using emotional blackmail because they were former classmates..

"But I was always seeing you with her" I countered, he said he promised her a new phone if she spent some time with him but that was it. "I got her an iPhone 7 & I haven't seen her ever since" he responded.

"So she never slept here?"

"No"

"So una no Mekwe?"

"No"

"You sure?"

He said that he really tried but failed, I asked him why he tried to lure my girlfriend since he claimed to be a 'fan'.

"I wanted to revenge" Tom said, everybody was shocked.

"Revenge kwa?" KK said as he finally spoke, Tom said he wanted to pay me back for snatching his girl..

I asked him what he was talking about & he said he had a crush on this particular girl back in school but she said she was in love with me

There was an awkward silence until Progress spoke up

"Na why you no go fit make money for this life, you no get sense" Progress said to Tom

I told Progress to calm down so that I could get further clarification, I asked for the girl's name & he said "Nkem". I asked him what department he was in then & he said "Pre Degree".

I could neither remember him nor "Nkem", I told him I didn't know either of them then

So how?

He said Nkem turned him down because she hoped I would notice her & toast her - "she was in love with you" he said

"I don't know what finally happened cos I never got admission"

"How you go take get admission?" KK asked, "Your mates been dey read you dey pursue Nkem" KK added

At that point I started to believe his narrative, I asked when last he saw Lizzy & he said it's been over a week..

"The last time we saw she said something about a wedding" Tom said.

"Wedding kwa?" KK asked again, "Yes, that's all i know" Tom replied.

"Wedding?"

"How?"

"Wait first, which money you dey use buy iPhone 7 dey make it rain for club?" Progress asked, "Hope say no be the burial money?" He added?

Tom couldn't speak at this point, Progress started to exclaim! "My spirit been dey tell me say you no get sense but na me go mumu" he wailed

"Calm down" I told Progress, "The iPhone 7 na London use & na only once we flex for club" Tom said defending himself, "I go make am back after the burial" he added.

At that point I realized why Progress helped Tom in the first place, they were both foolish & thought alike. Mchew

"You go make am back after the burial? London used iPhone 7?" I sarcastically asked, "I'm so disappointed in you" Progress said to Tom who was already looking sober.

"Make sure you pack your bags today, go to your village to bury your parents & leave this Lagos!" Progress said.

Tom said he had already sent the last N100,000 with him to the village & was planning to take night bus for the burial the next day - I immediately pitied him;

I brought out my wallet & gave him N5,000 for his transport fare, Progress & KK also gave him N5,000 each.

"Thank you"

"Go and sin no more" I said as we all agreed to forgive him & go, we stepped outside & the thought of Lizzy came to me immediately.

"What's going on?" I thought, "if she's not cheating on me with Tom then what's going on? "E fit be say she dun go marry o" Progress said.

"Ehn?"

"Since una never see for almost 2 weeks, she no dey pick your call & Thomas mention marriage - think am" Progress said trying to buttress his point, due to my past experience with an ex who left me to get married I started to see the possibility.

"E fit be true o" KK added

Chai

"You know say your destiny na to dey prepare babes for marriage" Progress said, adding petrol the fire. I became really worried & decided to try Lizzy's phone one more time.

After 2 dials she didn't pick, I told my friends that I wanted to go to Lizzy's house.

"Guy relax"

They advised that we went back to my place because it was late, "tomorrow all of us go gather go" KK said. I agreed and we went to my house.

As we all slept that night I started dreaming of my Lizzy - I saw her getting married to Tom in my dream & then I quickly woke up like😮

The next day; a Saturday, I finally woke up & did a few chores, cooked breakfast for my friends and we ate. By noon we all had our bath, dressed up & ordered an Uber to Gbagada.

We got to Lizzy's house & the place was filled with people, all dressed nice & loud music was playing

"Guy this na wedding reception settings" Progress said, I took a second look at the compound & I saw canopies outside and drinks.

"So this is true?" I thought, so Lizzy was really getting married? On this day?" Chai😢

As I stepped in the compound I heard a car honk behind me..

The loud blast startled me so I stepped aside, turned to watch the car pull over. The car door opened & I watched to see who was coming out - lo & behold my worst fear was confirmed!

I saw Lizzy stepping out of the car with a white man! My breath seized for a bit & I collapsed!

All I could remember was seeing dark clouds and little white stars, I couldn't tell how long I was lost in 'Limbo' till I was awakened by 2 hot slaps & a bucket of cold water.

I finally opened my eyes and saw Lizzy holding me & shouting "Baby wake up!" "Baby please wake up!!"

I woke up drenched with water, I looked closely & saw another 'Lizzy' behind Lizzy - "Why are there 2 Lizzys?" I asked coughing, people started laughing till Lizzy responded - "Baby that is my twin sister who lives in the US", "its her wedding today" he added.

"Oh! Really?!"

"Yes baby! We've been planning her wedding since and I even misplaced my phone in the process" Lizzy said as she gave me a hand to get up, "so you're not cheating on me?" I foolishly asked to be sure, she said she wasn't.

"I'm sorry I didn't tell u, everything happened so fast".

I stood up & she introduced me to her twin sister Mary & her husband Fred, "Nice to meet you, congratulations on your wedding & I'm sorry for causing a scene at your wedding" I said shaking them both.

"Its okay" they both responded, I dusted my cloth & Lizzy asked me to come in.

I turned to look at Progress & KK and they were both battling to hold their laughter within, I signalled them that if they laughed I'd kill them both.

They composed, I turned back to Lizzy and told her she got me worried. Told her everything that had happened & she apologized...

"I'm sorry baby, I'll never do anything to hurt you" Lizzy said as she hugged me, "awww" progress said as he started clapping.

We all went in, joined the celebration, ate and drank enough beer for the stress and did some catching up.

I became relaxed & my wet clothes soon dried

It was soon time to go home & Lizzy said she would like to go with me, "I'm tired from doing all these work and I need an escape" she added.

"That's excellent" I said, I signalled KK & he ordered an Uber while Lizzy went inside to pack a bag.

"The Uber dun dey outside" KK said

Lizzy came out, I wanted to go bade goodbye to her sister & her husband but Lizzy said we should just sneak out.

We all just codedly left the house, got in the uber & went straight to my house where the Uber dropped me before going to drop off KK & Progress in their houses.

It was Lizzy and I once again and it felt like a rebirth of Love, Mekwe and Samankwe. "I need to shower" Lizzy said as she took off her clothes, "you have new waist beads" I said as I teased her.

'Come to the bathroom to check if it's really new" she said - I got the message

I immediately pulled my already stained clothes, joined her in the bathroom and yes.. we prayed, sang and did thanksgiving in the bathroom together...

.. No, that was not the case!

We did some catchup & wasted no time bathing before going to the bedroom...

And yeah!

Mekwe!!!

No matter what the situation is or what the pointers may be; Never assume. If you are in doubt and need clarification just ask questions.

Ask to get response & listen to understand.

Nobody is perfect..

Thanks for reading & retweeting today's episode of #StoryTimeWithUche 🙏

You guys must have read about 'Sanakara - The Concert' going down on April 22, its a stage play by Jude Idada

Tickets are now available for N5,000, please indicate interest for tickets. I'll be giving out a free ticket as well.

Ric Hassani & Dan the Humourous would be performin

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Follow and tag 5 people to follow, stand a chance to win a gift from me as well.

For sponsorship, adverts or any kind of feedback or information please my DM is open.

Thanks for reading, sharing and laughing at my pains, misfortunes and stories. God less you all.

My name is Uche and I love you ❤

Daalu/ E se/ Nagode/ Thanks/ Gracias

Here's a link to previous episodes of #StoryTimeWithUche

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My brother @Papyfire just dropped the maddest EP and trust me every single song there is a banger! I personally guarantee you that.

Check it out and retweet. Bless

soundcloud.com/papyjisfire/se…