Thread by @ChronicTami

Somehow this cat annoying me for food has reminded me of when I first dealt with ableism. That ableism was a part of why I tried to work from home.

I was told that I was lazy. That I wasn't contributing to the world (aka capitalism), and how that made me a terrible person. The person who said this, I think they have the same opinion.

They think that everyone, no matter what life's challenges, should not be lazy and contribute to whatever in order to be a good person. Years ago, that was very painful. I knew how hard I'd been trying to be "normal".

I don't have contact with them now for various reasons, and I was not nice to them back them for other reasons not entirely related to chronic illness.

But that ableism really notched my bitchiness up a lot.

TW: Suicide

Nowadays, I'm more confident in my decisions regarding life with disabling chronic illness and pain.

The real reason that considering working from home again is so difficult is that the last time I did, I became suicidal.

In addition to the flared up pain and all of the fibromyalgia symptoms that usually lie more dormant in my body, my mental health was in the toilet.

Now I know that no matter what anyone's opinion is, I choose my literal life over their ableism. I do still want to work, for me.

Chronic illness is so unpredictable that sometimes you have to try something in order to know how much of that activity you can take, if any.

Personally, high pain levels and PTSD do NOT go together. What people can withstand is entirely individual.

If I'm having flares from socializing with friends and doing chores, I'm then approaching the issue of traditional work with extreme caution.

And these are moderate flares that still affect mental health. Right now it's looking like a no for working.

Corrections:

*has the same opinion today
* "lazy"
^ added quotations because #spoonie fam knows what we're really feeling vs abled people calling it "laziness"

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