Thread by @JustinHubert

Ok, one more tweet thread on #ucpagm then I gotta be done for the night.

I’m including Kikki and Dr Jay, why? Because we see eye to eye, agree on most shit, I like them, and unashamedly, I hope the message gets lifted.

This thread is about kids

My kids
Your kids
Albertans kids

Parents

You don’t own your kids.

Yes, the are “yours” but they are not YOURS.

Yes, the creator gave them to you to take care of

No, you do not own them

Our world struggled with the ownership of PEOPLE for years, in some places it still does, but not in a democratic society

So this three is about #abed, #ableg our schools, parenting and the work I have dedicated the last 25 years of my life to.

I have 4 kids

Right there we gotta take a look at the language trick we play on ourselves. I say, I have 4 kids, but that isn’t about ownership.

Having kids is a proufound responsibility, many people get into it before they are ready, regardless what needs to be said is these are independent beings.

That said, there is a unique relationship parents play because without help, human children die, they need care givers

I know @DrJayDrNo has kids, but I’m willing to bet he doesn’t see this as ownership.

Rather it is a sacred trust.

Now there is a uniqueness to this sacred trust where, when done right, your child attaches to you and looks to you for guidance

Attachment is something YOU nurture

If you fuck up the attachment (relationship) with your kid, then they are free to get their needs met elsewhere.

It is scientifically studied/proven that kids have attachment drives/instincts, that’s a survival thing, then a THRIVEAL thing (yes I just made up a word)

In essence, you GET THE OPPORTUNITY to speak into your child’s life FOREVER. But, they are FREE, and though they can give you this opportunity they can just as easily rescind it.

When they do, they look for attachment from others, peers, or other adults

Here is the thing

The big idea of parenting is bringing your children safely to maturity.

It’s fucking hard.

News flash, kids are born immature. They need help.
Things like:
Ass cleaning
Tooth brushing
Eating
Clothing

Basic essentials, parents help kids learn and grow

All of that is rather exhausting, but you are not done yet

If done right a child will then look to YOU and ask you 76,321 questions, your job is to not be a dick. Answer them, help the kid grow

Remind them to not stink

and because it’s 2018, buy 29 $35 water bottles per child

When they are teens these years are challenging

Not impossible

If YOU have fostered a STRONG attachment to your child, they will come home from high school and talk to you about EVERYTHING

EVERYTHING
Periods, drugs, alcohol, boys, girls, religion, gay sex, music, and porn

If YOU have a shitty relationship with your child because you have been an ASSHOLE, YOUR child will find other people to have these conversations with.

Attachment instincts don’t just get shut off

Look at your own life, you know this is true of YOU
It’s true for them too

YOU CANT LEGISLATE YOUR WAY INTO A RELATIONSHIP WITH A CHILD

That is NOT HOW IT WORKS

If a teacher at school has a better relationship with your kid than you, that’s YOUR OWN DAMN FAULT

Sorry, that was HARSH, but true.

Ok parents, I’ll tell you what, I have a big heart, if you are in that situation and genuinely want to know how to get the heart of your child back, DM me, I’ll get you some resources.

That’s a cold dark hard fucking place to be as a parent

But for now - KIDS

As I said, if kids don’t have a mature relationship to look up to for guidance... their attachment drive is still working, then they look to each other

This called peer attachment

And it’s scary as hell.

Why?
Because kids are immature

What that means, is that yes, kids do dumb shit
But also, they don’t have emotional maturity.

So some kid is going to take a topless photo of your daughter and share in on social media with everyone at high school AND Japan

In that moment, your kids needs YOU

Or someone SAFE

In the darkest moment of their lives - and TRUST ME, there are some fucking DARK DAYS, kids need SOMEONE anyone TO HOLD THEIR HEART, look them square in the eye and say:

“Hey, we survive this.
This is a bump, me and you, we make it through this, I got you, you will be OKAY”

Men,

These are the moments you SHINE LIKE THE STARS IN THE HEAVENS

You grab that kid, hold them tight and make sure they know:

“I am your biggest fan, and your fiercest ally, who crosses you, crosses me, I will love you forever and nothing, NOTHING WILL COME BETWEEN US.”

Women....

Ooooo boy... not sure if I’m ready for this... but here it goes

I have sat with your sisters, and watched them cry bitter tears. I see the pain in their hearts because they had to hold all this shit together on their own

You women are amazing

That said...

Soften up.

I can point you to resources, but seriously...

How would you treat your best friend in their darkest day when all hope for them was lost???

That.

Do that. Do what is inside you.

Put down your Zelda swords, connect psychologically with your child

I know it’s exhausting.

I know you are tired.

I know I’m asking for more.

But let your guard down, drop your shoulders, CONNECT, with those souls, the ones that were formed INSIDE OF YOU.

Your relationship is SACRED, don’t destroy it over rotten cheese left under a bed.

Did you loose your shit over rotten cheese under a bed?

Fine, we all do.

Now go repair your relationship. Restore it. Nurture it back, because on the darkest day of your child’s life they NEED YOU.

When they come to you in TEARS, hold their HEARTS

Help them heal.

If you are a parent.

If you are conservative.

If you are a Christian.

AND, you just found out you have a gay child.

Count yourself BLESSED.

Why?

God is about to show you what is REALLY IMPORTANT TO HIM/HER/THEY/THEM

P.S. god is non binary

This is for Christian parents...

God upgraded from being a genocidal angry God 2000 years ago.

He was so MEAN, he wouldn’t let his own people eat bacon.

Among everything Jesus brought, he allowed gods people to eat bacon

Yay Jesus.

If you belong to a church that is asking you to shun your relationship with your child because they are gay...
LEAVE THAT CHURCH

You want to know hell on earth?

Stay in that church-Choose your grumpy long faces “friends” over your own child

I beg you- LEAVE, choose your child

God doesn’t hate you, your “friends” do.

If you want to do the Christian religion thing, cool, “you are the hands and feet of Jesus”

The ONLY WAY, God’s Love is poured out on earth is through people. That’s it.

No magic.

Know this, yours isn’t the only faith community.

If you want to believe god gave you your child, cool

If god gave you a gay child, you have been given a gift, and you are about to find a wonderful network of people who are more loving than any you have ever encountered in your current church

And yes, the music sucks there too

PARENT

ALWAYS ALWAYS ALWAYS ALWAYS, choose that child.

ALWAYS

Let nothing come inbetween your love for your child.
Love MORE, than anyone else!
Kids need strong relationships with awesome mature adults more now than EVER

End RANT

If I had known

If I had known you would hear my words forever,

If I had known you would feel my pain inside yourself,

If I had known words unspoken would shift the tide,

Then,
I would have spoken softy,
I would have healed myself,
And told you how amazing I think you are.