Thread by @UchennaNG

"Uche! Report to the diary room!" Big Brother said so I hurried, as I was about to climb the stairs to the diary room I tripped & fell.

Damn!

I suddenly woke up & realized I wasn't even in Small Brother, talk more of Big Brother!

My food is burning!😲

Big Brother😭

Thread!

I quickly went to the kitchen & luckily my stew was only slightly burnt, I turned off the gas & started to reflect on the dream I had - I was discussing with Miracle and Nina, then I massaged Koko's back before Big Brother called me.

"What does this dream mean?" I asked myself..

While still pondering I reached for the little raw rice I had left, I decided to boil & eat for the weekend because I was broke & couldn't access money till the following week.

After putting the rice on fire I went to tune my Dstv to channel 198; just to watch Big Brother Naija!

"Oga barber!! I said you should dye me head gold" progress screamed at the Big Brother hair stylists that came to beautify the housemates, "Shut up Progress!" Khloe screamed at him

I was wondering what Progress was doing in Big Brother Naija house until I suddenly woke up again!

"Damn!! My rice!!" I screamed as I ran to the kitchen to check my food, I kept wondering why I was sleeping & dreaming of Big Brother Naija?

"Is this a sign?" I thought, I opened the pot of rice and it was slightly burnt - I decided to dish some when I heard a knock on the door!

"Uchman the hitman!" Progress hailed as I opened the door, "Guy dem send You?" I asked & immediately I noticed some girls behind him

"Hello ladies!" I said to them & they waved at me while entering, I became surprised & signalled Progress to ask him what was going on

"How far?"

"One of my queens dey celebrate her birthday" he replied & walked straight to the kitchen, few seconds later he came out screaming - "Guy you cook for akwu? Chei!"

I knew my weekend was ruined, "I love ofe akwu" one of the girls said- "what is ofe akwu?" another girl asked

Hian

"That Igbo banga soup for rice that I made that day" the 1st girl replied, "Oh I like it, me too I want!" The 2nd girl replied. At this point I was helpless, I wanted to appear nice & accept their request but before I could even shake my head Progress dished 5 plates of rice!

"Ladies let's enjoy the cooking prowess of the Mekwe master" progress said as he distributed the food, I didn't want to miss further actions so I immediately accepted my own share & we ate..

We soon finished eating & I asked whose birthday it was, "she's not here" they said

How

"Na you we come pick" Progress said, I asked him what he meant & he told me that the celebrant was having a party in a hotel near my Estate & they came to pick me.

"I tell them say one of my celebrity friends dey come" he added, I smiled & forgot about all grievances.

"Ehen?"

"Na me be the celebrity?" I asked & he said yes, I looked at him & all the girls - they all smiled, "you're popular na, plenty of your fans will be there" one of the girls said

"Oh really?!"

"Yeske!"

"Wow!"

"Guy this no be wow matter, go baff make we go" Progress said

"Well"

I went to freshen up and in less than 20 minutes I was ready, I needed a break so I joined them in an Uber & we drove off. On the way I whispered to Progress; "Guy you know say I no hold cash now" & he told me to relax.

"Money no be Problem" he assured me like Sarkodie

Correct!

We finally got to the hotel & we went straight to the poolside where the party was happening, we looked for a table to sit & observed what was going on

Progress did a Proper introduction & I finally got to meet Chichi, Angie & Kemi

"Nice to meet you"

"So who's the celebrant?"

Still in my curious state; we heard people cheering this Kelly Rowland looking girl, "that must be the celebrant" I thought - I asked Progress if she was the celebrant & he said yes..

I turned to Angie to confirm but I didn't see the girls, they had gone to say hi to this girl!

Few minutes later the girls came back with the girl, "you're Uche yeah?" she asked & I said yes - "Oh my gosh I love your stories" she added & I said thanks.

I asked if she was the celebrant & she said no, "it's my best friend's birthday"

"Really, it's not you?" Progress asked!

"Now that I have seen you let me ask, are you the way you write in real life?" She asked - "he's even worse than that!" Progress replied

"Really? How did you know?" She asked Progress, "I've known this guy for a long time!" He replied

"I see, who are you to him?"

"Progress"

"Oh my God! So you're progress?"

"Yes"

"Wow, nice to finally meet you"

"Thanks"

"I hope you'll not cause trouble here?"

"*laughs* No, I'm not that bad in real life"

"Alright, maybe we'll catchup after the party"

"Sure"

She made a move to leave so I asked for her name..

She said her name was Tosin, I smiled & waved - "Ok then" I replied. She took a few steps forward, turned back & looked at me - "can you please help us do a little MC job, my MC has frustrated me" she said

"100k!" Progress replied

"What's that?"

"100k to MC, I'm his manager"

I wanted to react when Angie screamed "she's here!", we all turned to see who she was pointing at & we say this Beyonce looking girl.

"Is that the celebrant?" I asked, Tosin overheard & said yes!

"She resemble Beyonce, you be like Kelly Rowland, where Michelle?" Progress asked.

Tosin excused herself & left with the other girls to meet her friend, as she moved closer to the celebrant I got a clearer view of the girl

"Torera Cardosso! Am I dreaming?", I turned to Progress & told him that she was the girl I met months back at Gbagada

"Oh! Torera Cardoso"

I met Torera when I was a freelance journalist covering an event with Harvesters Christian Centre at Gbagada, I saw her & the only way I could get to talk with her was by interviewing her for the shoot.

I planned to get her contact afterwards but she disappeared - & here she was

I immediately made a move to go talk to her before I lose her again then I saw this huge guy pop out from nowhere, he held her by the waist & whispered to her ears.

My hopes were dashed, "was God preventing me from heartbreak" I thought as I cleaned one tiny tears from my eyes..

I asked Progress who the guy was just to console myself, "na G-wagon key dey him hand so o, e go be her boyfriend" he replied. I was heartbroken, few minutes later Tosin came back to ask if I could still MC

I looked at Progress & he told me to go that he'll handle the money part

I listened & told her I'll do it, "yaay!! Thank you!" She replied & asked me to come with her

I went with her, grabbed the mic, turned it on & did my bit to organise the event. I could barely focus with Torera right in front of me, It was soon time to dance & I dropped the mic!

I went back to my seat feeling awful, "see as you lose focus because of babe" progress said immediately I sat down.

"I know say I fuckup" I replied, I suddenly heard a voice behind me..

"You didn't fuckup, you can't even if you tried. You're awesome!" This tiny voice said

Uhm

"Hi, I'm Anita, a huge fan of yours" she said, my heart then went cold & I smiled - "it's nice to meet you, thanks for your kind words" I said, "No, thanks for making me happy. You don't know how happy your stories make me feel" she replied

"He knows, that's why he writes them"

Progress cut in & we all smiled, soon we had other people join us & we took photos. While I was chilling with my new friends I was still keeping tabs on Torera, I thought of the best possible was to get her attention.

Suddenly! I saw Torera walk towards the restroom

Opportunity

"Excuse me ladies" i said to Anita & the others as I immediately tailed Torera, I made sure nobody noticed my movement & luckily the restroom was behind.

"Torera right?" I asked immediately she stepped out of the door of the ladies', "yes" she replied.

"Awesome! Remember me?"

"I'm not sure I do" she replied, I explained with speed & adequate zeal how we met. "Oh! I remember you" she said & I became excited, I tried to throw in some punchlines to get her attention but I heard a voice

I looked back & it was her boyfriend, "wetin dey worry this guy sef?

"Sorry Uche I have to go"

"Oh sure"

She left with the guy who didn't even speak a word, I just washed my hands & left the bathroom sad - I had thought of marrying Torera the 1st day I saw her, I even told my friends I met my wife the day I saw her

I got to my seat & sat down..

"What's the problem, you don't look your usual happy self" Anita said when I sat down, I faked a smile & told her I received an shooting phone call

"I'm sorry about that, maybe a dance would help ease you" she said as she signalled me to stand-up, I stood up & agreed to dance..

As we stood up to dance other people joined us on the dance floor, we danced for some minutes & I suddenly noticed Torera dancing alone.

"This is my chance" I thought, I decided to join her to shoot my shot but excusing myself was a challenge - "what excuse do I give?" I checked

"Excuse me Anita, I have to attend to something" I said & she said it was fine, I hurried towards Torera again

"Hi again" I said, she smiled at me & asked how I was - I told her I was fine. I knew I had limited time so told her how I hadn't stopped thinking of her.

Really?

Yes

"This may sound crazy but you're the girl of my dreams" I said, she reduced her dance tempo - smiled while I talked. I was happy that I finally got her, as I was about to bring out my phone to ask for her number her I noticed a movement.

I looked back & there was her boyfriend!!

"I have to go to my table, i have guests" she said, "thanks for your kind words" she added. I faked a smile, waved at her & went back to Anita.

Walking back I saw Progress dancing with 2 girls, I ignored & went back to give Anita my attention for the night.

We continued dancing

We soon became a team like Aki & PawPaw, blended like Banga & starch - I asked if we were going to my place after the party & she said yes

I became happy & Uche Junior started to breakdance, I got drinks & we drank & danced in anticipation of the night.

Suddenly! Her phone rang

"Excuse me I have to take this" she said as she went to take the call, few minutes later she came back with a sad face

"I have to go now" she said, "my mom isn't feeling good" she added - my heart broke as I already anticipated a great night, I even started to enjoy her company.

"I'll miss you" she said as we hugged, exchanged numbers & she left. "The only girl I'm feeling is gone & my Torera has a boyfriend" I sadly walked back to my seat, few minutes later Progress came to me

"Why you dey sit down?" He asked, I explained what happened & he went mute..

I told him I wanted to go because the party had become boring, he said he had a plan to help me get Torera. I asked him what his plans were & he told me to calm down..

He left & minutes later we heard a car alarm from the car park, I looked & saw Torera's boyfriend dash out

Ehn

Seconds later I saw Progress run towards me, "this is your chance" he said as he came close. I immediately went to Torera, she looked nervous but I still managed to ask for her number with the excuse that I was leaving

"Sure"

She took my phone & Dialled her number!

#StoryTime

I quickly took the number & left before her boyfriend came back, on my way back to my table I saw Angie - "I can't find Progress & my friends she said", "I saw him just now" I replied.

I picked my phone & called Progress, "I dey my hotel room with my queens" he said as he picked

"Enjoy!" I told him as I dropped the call, "I don't want to sleep alone tonight" Angie said - I asked her what she meant & she said she had a room in the hotel

"Can you spend the night with me?" She added, I told her I needed to go home to work & she said she'd go home with me!

"On a second thought, let's not waste the room" I said when I remembered I was even too broke to order a cab, she smiled, grabbed my hands & led me to her room

"I want a feel too" she said when we got to the door, "what feel?" I asked & she kissed me.

THE END

Kidding

Mekwe!

Fast forward

One Tuesday after work I couldn't stop thinking about Torera so I called & luckily she picked!

She sounded happy & we got talking; talking to her was therapeutic, her voice cured hunger. We talked about lots of things & it was easily the best phone call I ever made

We ended the call & I promised to call her another time, the next day while I got stressed working I decided to take a break to call Torera.

I called her & she picked, we talked for a few minutes & I thought it would be perfect to ask her on a date..

"..This Saturday is fine"

Torera agreed to have lunch with me that weekend, I asked what her favourite food was & she said "Semo & Egusi" - I started to feel that she was my soulmate.

I wanted to ask what her favourite drink was when I heard a male voice at the background, "I have to go now" she said

"That must be that her big head boyfriend" I thought, I ended the call & became happy that she agreed to meet that weekend. I started to look forward to the weekend, I cancelled all my apointements for that weekend

Friday morning I called Torera & she didn't pick

I called again

She still didn't pick up so I left her alone hoping she'd call back, I went about my daily life till it was late in the night & she was yet to call back.

"What's happening?"

I forgot about it, the next morning I woke up thinking about Torera so I called & she still didn't pick!

"Chai! This babe has posted me like NYSC o!!" I wailed within, flung my phone angrily & went to put beans on fire. As I was picking the beans I got a text, I ran excitedly to check & when I looked I saw it was Angie

"What's up?"

"Good"

"Are you available?"

"No, I'm busy!"

I cooked my beans, ate & went back to work mode. Life went back to being normal but the thought of Torera never left, one day I got a call from Progress inviting me to church

"I wan give my life to Christ, I need your support" he added.

"Progress? Church? Life to Christ?"

Sunday morning was here & Progress woke me up with a phone call, "I no wan hear say you no dey go church or say babe dey your house o!" He screamed

"I dey come pick you with uber" he added & ended the call, I hurriedly freshened up & in less than 1 hour progress was at my gate!

We got into the car & drove off, on the way I asked what church we were going & he said it was a surprise. Few minutes later we got to Gbagada & he told the uber driver to pull over at Harvesters Church

"But this na Harversters?" I asked him, "So you sabi here?" He asked

"No o"

Progress brought me where I met Torera, I knew I wouldn't focus so I searched for her.

Progress went for alter call & we attended all 4 services, I still didn't see Torera afterwards so I angrily carried my bible & signalled to Progress.

On our way out I saw Torera!

"Yaayy!!"

I didnt care that we were in church; I hurried up to her, "Torera" I said as I tapped her - "Finding you here is a victory for me, you haven't been picking my calls & I miss you" I said

She just started to blush & covered her mouth with her hands, "where have you been?" I asked

I poured my heart to her & she just stood there blushing, it was no longer cute so I became worried - few seconds later I noticed someone approach me, I looked back & I saw another Torera

"What's going on, you're a twin?" I asked, "yes, I'm Lade her twin" the first Torera said.

"Hi Uche" Torera said as she came closer, she asked what was going on & Lade explained - "he's so sweet she added.

"Oh he's a sweet guy" Progress added, "who are you?" Lade asked - "Progress, he's my friend"

"Hi ladies" Progress said; "which of you is he in love with?" he added

"That has to be her" Lade pointed to Torera, "Uche loves you like crazy" Progress said, "I just gave my life to Christ so I'm not lying" he added

I wanted to say something but I noticed a movement, I turned round & it was Torera's boyfriend

"Well, your boyfriend is here"

Who?

"Is he not your boyfriend?" I asked pointing towards her ''boyfriend" who was already closeby, "I'm their big brother" he said.

"Big brother?"

"Yes"

I became excited, "I finally stand a chance with Torera" I thought..

"This is my boyfriend" she said pointing towards this guy!

I turned my head & I saw this guy walk towards them looking angry, "Chei! So she has a boyfriend" I cried within. I knew there was no hope for me & I had fooled myself, "I guess I wouldn't be seeing you again" I said to Torera

"Don't be too sure" she replied & her boyfriend came

"I'm sorry but we have to leave now" Lade said as she came close & gave me a hug, I bade the others goodbye with tears in my eyes & left with Progress

As soon as I stepped out of the premises I ran into Angie

"Uche!"

"Hi Angie" I replied as I smiled & looked on the bright side

We exchanged pleasantries while Progress ordered Uber, she was nice as usual so I finally decided to give her attention.

She said she missed me & I said I missed her too, when the uber came we all got in & ended up at my place while Progress went home.

And that was again

Mekwe

After the house fellowship mekwe I looked at Angie & she looked happy, "I should probably take her serious" I thought. Hmm

I decided to act on it so I asked her if she was single, "why do you want to know?" She yelled - "I'm here for mekwe, I hope you're not catching feelings!"

She then stood up, angrily wore her clothes & left. It was the most shocking 12 minutes of my life, "What's wrong with this one?" I thought.

I watched her leave without saying a word, she banged the door & walked away. "Small play she dun vex, nawa o!" I said out loud & slept..

I moved on with my life after the whole drama until one Wednesday morning when I got a call, I checked my phone & it was Torera

"Are you still up for that date?" She asked during the convo & I said yes, we agreed to meet that weekend & I almost flung my phone out of excitement..

I picked up my phone & told Progress about the latest update & he said I shouldn't be excited because it may be a prank, he asked for the venue & I told him & ended the call.

Weekend came & I dressed up in my Christmas clothe, I called Torera to confirm our date & headed out!

Few minutes later I got to Mama Cass & Torera wasn't there, I sat, called her & she told me she was on her way

"Ok"

I sat there waiting for her & Progress kept texting - "she dun show?"

Finally she came & I stood up to hug her

"Welcome"

"Thanks"

"You look good"

I do?

Yes

We sat down & did a little catchup before ordering, we talked about different things till I finally ended up talking about how crazy I was about her

"Your boyfriend is a lucky bastard"

"Well, he's definitely a bastard"

"How do you mean?"

"Long story but we broke up!"

"Ope o!

I tried to act like I wasn't happy they broke up by asking what happened, she explained to me how her boyfriend kept abusing her & cheating on her - "he kept apologising & I kept accepting" she said

"He slapped me 4 days ago & that was it for me!" She added

"Sorry about that"

"Thanks"

"Does that mean I can have my queen?"

"You have sweet mouth"

"Is that a yes?"

"It's a maybe"

"Baby if you don't say yes I'll cry here & cause a scene, I'm crazy about you"

"Fine, promise you'll be different"

"I'm the differentiation in Calculus, I'm too different"

We laughed & finally ordered food, as we ate I told her about my recurrent big brother dream. "Maybe because my English name is Nina" she said, "& there's koko in my semo" I added.

"And getting her to be yours is a Miracle" Progress said

He'd been standing there for while

Fool

Progress joined us, we ate & drank. While at it Angie kept calling but I didn't pick, after a while she sent a text apologising for her actions but I wasn't interested again

Torera & I ended up at my place & we had our 1st kiss, 1st make out & most importantly our 1st Samankwe!

Thanks for reading today's episode of #StoryTimeWithUche

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TO GOD BE THE GLORY

THE END!!