Thread by @ChefShwasty

Alright. Its high noon. Let's kick off the #FantasticBeastsLiveTweet

I know even less about this than I did Harry Potter. How, you ask? Because I didn't even know this existed, and up until the point someone spelled it out for me, didn't know it was canon with HP.

ROLL IT

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IT EVEN HAS THE CLOUDS

Is it possible to experience nostalgia for something you didn't know existed two weeks ago?

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This is a lot to take in

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I suck with names so we're just gonna continue with nicknames until I get this shit figured out.

Dude with the suitcase? Yeah that's my man Doc. Cuz he looks like Matt Smith.

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Doc has big floppy shoes.

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So wizards call non-wizards "muggles" like a racial slur.

Do muggles call wizards anything hateful?

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I really want a hot dog now.

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Whats in the case, man

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I WANT ONE

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Hey its hot dog girl.

Unfortunate nickname, but, that's how I remember her.

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Did doc just lay an egg?

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Chubby Baker dude? We're gonna call him Kowalski.

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Kowalski's mind is being fucking blown

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Nickname for the little animal...

... Chubbers.

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Hot dog girl wants to bone doc.

I also want that phrase on a T-shirt.

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Ah shit, hotdog's a fucking po-po

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GODDAMN

America really had to one-up Britain with this bigass building.

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Hotdog's an EX po-po

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I keep saying hotdog and getting hungrier.

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Okay that thing is less pretty.

The fuck is tearing the walls down?

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And now we're watching Oliver Twist.

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Lol muggles are dumb

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Doc is like... Super powerful.

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Also, just checked. I have no hot dogs. And no place around here would Uber it.

Fuck.

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Woah okay. American wizards are fucking racist.

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Is this how British people see America?

Its okay. You can be honest with me.

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Why hello there sister hotdog.

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Kowalski is smitten

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Sister hotdog is basically Bubbles.

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Yeah whatever Bubbles sr, I could cook like that too if I COULD USE MAGIC

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Bubbles sr is equally smitten

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What the fuck

I want a suitcase room

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So uh

We gonna talk about how Doc is such a powerful wizard he basically one-man made a suitcase universe.

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Not gonna lie.

These are some pretty fantastic beasts.

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I like the snake bird thing

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Not a fan of the smoke monster

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Kowalski just got introduced to magic, beasts, and a suitcase universe

But his biggest moment of disbelief is when someone doesnt know how to get to Central Park

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Are there Australian wizards? I want that movie.

"Oi cunt, rack off!"
*Expelliarmus*

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Is he doing like a mating call thing?

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MONKEY'S GOT YER WAND

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Wait, who else said "Merlin's Beard" in the last movies?

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Jacob Kowalski?

JK... Hmm....

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These Koch brother looking motherfuckers gonna get got

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Called it.

Ooh that looks painful.

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Yeah uh the wizards in America are more like the fucking Illuminati.

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The war hero?

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If they hurt even one of those creatures imma knock some 1920's fuckin Illuminati wand-waver bullshit heads together.

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The little blonde girl in the orphanage makes me uneasy

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HE SAID DUMBLEDORE

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So they never really talk about wizard life spans. Like... What's going on there? Some live normally? And others live a lot longer?

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GO RESCUE THEM, MAMA BUBBLES

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I don't like this. Its getting heavy.

Don't you break my fucking heart.

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Go go go GO MAMA BUBBLES

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I want Kowalski to secretly be really powerful, just untrained

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Doc hasn't even been in America a week and he's resorting to violence.

Kick some FUCKIN ASS, DOC

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Skull bat is badass

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Does anyone else read minds besides Mama Bubbles?

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Kid with the bowl cut and is possessed, I'm calling him Dylan.

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Ah yes, the fabled Jazz Elf.

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I laughed out loud at Kowalski drinking the giggle juice

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And of course, Ron Perlman Elf.

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My heart is breaking for the plant friend

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Do they call him Creedence because he's not a fortune son?

It ain't him. IT AIINT HIIIIM. HE AIN'T SO SENATOR'S SON.

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Bobby cut gonna get the belt.

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Welp. Or just straight up merked.

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I stand corrected. Yeti monkey is my favorite.

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Yeti monkey looks wise as fuck.

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YETI MONKEY AND SNAKE BIRD

SOLVING MYSTERIES TOGETHER

YETI MOOONKEY AND SNAAAAKE BIRD

coming summer 2019

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Oh shit Deathly Hallows sign

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Squib?

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Aaaand HEEEERE COMES SMOKE MONSTER

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Dylan gonna fuck a fucker UP

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Wouldn't be shocked if this kid was like Voldie's dad or something.

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Jesus that thing is terrifying.

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I want to be like Kowalski when I grow up

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I really hope silver hair dude gets his shit together. Dial the evil shit down a notch.

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"Sir, a gigantic smoke-bodied entity that has the capacity to level buildings without breaking a sweat all while not taking physical form is is destroying New York! What should we do?"

"Uh.. Shoot... It?"

Solid plan.

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I still want a hotdog

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Alright, since fuckstick is taken, this dude is now henceforth fuckface

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Dude, fuckface, stop

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This kid is gonna nova.

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God damn American wizards fucking suck

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OH SHIT ITS THAT ONE GUY FROM THE PAPERS

And its Johnny Depp for some reason?

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I like the big ass owl eagle.

Owgle.

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So they made it rain forgetty-water?

Solid plan until they can't stop the rain and everyone forgets potty training.

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Also shouldn't the wizards still be affected by the toxin?

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Dammit Kowalski!

You belong with them.

You're one of them.

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That can't be.

Kowalski has to be in the next movie.

#KowalskiOrWeRiot

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What's in the case?

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AHHHH HE CAN START HIS BAKERY

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Doc and Hotdog just should run away together.

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Ahahah she said the title of the movie

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Kowalski remembered stuff!

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Also, successful as a motherfucker!

You go Kowalski.

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That was really good!

My heart isn't broken, I'm not anxious about the next one... That was very uplifting!

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Thank you for watching that with me, guys. That was really enjoyable.