Conqueror of Greenland, heister of couches, bane of shitty-neighbors, YouTube chef, uneducated in movies
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Oct 8, 2018 • 18 tweets • 4 min read
Right, so, my cat's a fucking psychopath
This is going to be a thread, and this is the start
(Cont'd...)
Like, it squeaks when you pick it up, squeaks when you throw it, squeaks when it bounces, fucker squeaks when you even look at it funny
It doesn't bother me, because Arwen LOVES it. She's happy, I'm happy. I hear her playing with it at night; makes me smile
But...
Cont'd...
Oct 3, 2018 • 4 tweets • 2 min read
Let's talk about embarrassing my annoying coworker
Thanks to the combined efforts of my heroes, @vipbanaangel and @EinganaDragon, a can of surströmming is on its way (which is salt-fermented Baltic herring, and one of the nastiest things on the planet)
But here's the thing...
My coworker (henceforth known as D) is one of those tinfoil-hat wearing nut-jobs that think as soon as his face is on the internet, his identity will be stolen and the government will find him, and his life will be over
That being said, he's agreed to buckle on one account...
Oct 1, 2018 • 4 tweets • 2 min read
Let's have a chat about Halloween movies
We'll do another bracket-style, and I'm thinking 16 movies:
8 Halloween classics
VS
8 scary movies
We'll let the majority decide on what the #ShwastyHalloweenSpecial is going to be, BUT there's another thing to decide (cont'd...)
And that... is the format for it
It can be a live recording like what happened with @GeekGoodness
Which means you'd be able to listen to it at any time. We could also do another giveaway
BUT (more cont'd...)
Sep 11, 2018 • 5 tweets • 1 min read
Have you ever had that weird moment of realization that people see you?
Like, okay, hold on
You spend your entire life looking through your own eyes and moving your own limbs. You never see your facial reactions. You don't see how you walk, you just feel it.
And then you walk in front of a mirror and think, "fuck, this is what people are looking at?"
So you make a couple of the same gestures and faces in the mirror that you did with other people to see if they look weird
BUT THAT MAKES IT WEIRDER
Sep 2, 2018 • 91 tweets • 25 min read
Alright, so "Lost World"
I'm purposely not reading ANYTHING on the box, but I did see "4 years later" before I closed it
So the park has been abandoned for four years im assuming? And I'm hoping like a motherfucker @jeffreygoldbIum is in it
Have I ever told you guys about my certifiably insane coworker?
We all know that there's two ways to re-holster toilet paper, right? Over-flap and under-flap. What you think I'm about to say is that he prefers under-flap, like a monster.
Nah son. This fucking psycho leaves the roll on the FLOOR in front of the toilet in the public bathroom.
Jul 7, 2018 • 81 tweets • 21 min read
Awright, here we go. The epic conclusion to the #HungerGamesLiveTweet series, either the finale playing as of right....
Big ole flamey mockingjay staring me down here. Its a symbol of peace and Pita not dying ever and Woody deciding to up and just retire to Florida so he lives.
The first time I ever smoked pot...
In hindsight there were a lot of red fucking flags that should've prevented me from thinking this was a good idea. Like the fact that the hemp bracelet I used to have gave me a rash...
I know even less about this than I did Harry Potter. How, you ask? Because I didn't even know this existed, and up until the point someone spelled it out for me, didn't know it was canon with HP.
Also, lots of people have been asking to send me stuff like a scarf, etc. Someone even drew me as a wizard! If you want to send something, send it to PO Box 17244, Salem, OR 97305
#HarryPotterLiveTweet
I usually pause a movie about ten times so its gonna be a challenge not doing it at all...
But I know lots of people are watching too. This feels like a movie theater!
May 7, 2018 • 95 tweets • 26 min read
Day 3, movie 3.
Not a lot going on with this cover except some flying thing in the background. Harry seems to have grown several feet taller. Tall enough to pimp slap Dudley is his goddamn mouth? I hope so.