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Conqueror of Greenland, heister of couches, bane of shitty-neighbors, YouTube chef, uneducated in movies DM for Discord FB, XBL, Gmail, Twitch: ChefShwasty
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Oct 8, 2018 18 tweets 4 min read
Right, so, my cat's a fucking psychopath

This is going to be a thread, and this is the start

Anyways, so we got Arwen a toy a while back:…


It squeaks at the slightest provocation

(Cont'd...) Like, it squeaks when you pick it up, squeaks when you throw it, squeaks when it bounces, fucker squeaks when you even look at it funny

It doesn't bother me, because Arwen LOVES it. She's happy, I'm happy. I hear her playing with it at night; makes me smile


Oct 3, 2018 4 tweets 2 min read
Let's talk about embarrassing my annoying coworker

Thanks to the combined efforts of my heroes, @vipbanaangel and @EinganaDragon, a can of surströmming is on its way (which is salt-fermented Baltic herring, and one of the nastiest things on the planet)

But here's the thing... My coworker (henceforth known as D) is one of those tinfoil-hat wearing nut-jobs that think as soon as his face is on the internet, his identity will be stolen and the government will find him, and his life will be over

That being said, he's agreed to buckle on one account...
Oct 1, 2018 4 tweets 2 min read
Let's have a chat about Halloween movies

We'll do another bracket-style, and I'm thinking 16 movies:

8 Halloween classics
8 scary movies

We'll let the majority decide on what the #ShwastyHalloweenSpecial is going to be, BUT there's another thing to decide (cont'd...) And that... is the format for it

It can either be a #ShwastyLiveTweet like we're all used to


It can be a live recording like what happened with @GeekGoodness

Which means you'd be able to listen to it at any time. We could also do another giveaway

BUT (more cont'd...)
Sep 11, 2018 5 tweets 1 min read
Have you ever had that weird moment of realization that people see you?

Like, okay, hold on

You spend your entire life looking through your own eyes and moving your own limbs. You never see your facial reactions. You don't see how you walk, you just feel it. And then you walk in front of a mirror and think, "fuck, this is what people are looking at?"

So you make a couple of the same gestures and faces in the mirror that you did with other people to see if they look weird

Sep 2, 2018 91 tweets 25 min read
Alright, so "Lost World"

I'm purposely not reading ANYTHING on the box, but I did see "4 years later" before I closed it

So the park has been abandoned for four years im assuming? And I'm hoping like a motherfucker @jeffreygoldbIum is in it

#JurassicParkLiveTweet starts NOW! #JurassicParkLiveTweet

Shit it's been a while. I'm like... A little nervous?
Jul 21, 2018 102 tweets 48 min read
#ShwastyLiveTweet of #JurassicPark starts NOW

I know this movie is about a dinosaur island, which would been a less appealing name for the movie

I don't know any of the actors in it, or ANYTHING. I'm gonna go out on a limb and say something goes horribly wrong, though

HIT IT #ShwastyLiveTweet #JurassicPark

I'm prepared y'all
Jul 10, 2018 14 tweets 3 min read
Have I ever told you guys about my certifiably insane coworker? We all know that there's two ways to re-holster toilet paper, right? Over-flap and under-flap. What you think I'm about to say is that he prefers under-flap, like a monster.

Nah son. This fucking psycho leaves the roll on the FLOOR in front of the toilet in the public bathroom.
Jul 7, 2018 81 tweets 21 min read
Awright, here we go. The epic conclusion to the #HungerGamesLiveTweet series, either the finale playing as of right....




.......... Now

Let's do this. #HungerGamesLiveTweet

I seriously don't know what I'm going to do with the rest of my day after this
Jul 1, 2018 73 tweets 19 min read
ALRIGHT, #HungerGamesLiveTweet part three!

Big ole flamey mockingjay staring me down here. Its a symbol of peace and Pita not dying ever and Woody deciding to up and just retire to Florida so he lives.

Thats what's gonna happen.

Here we go. #HungerGamesLiveTweet

Opening up like some Matrix shit. This is not reassuring.
Jun 24, 2018 96 tweets 25 min read
Alright, #HungerGames #CatchingFire

Starting now with the #HungerGamesLiveTweet!

J-law has some dark ass makeup going on, but it's kinda doing the trick for me.

HERE WE GO #HungerGamesLiveTweet

Are her eyes changing colors? I swear they weren't blue before.
Jun 10, 2018 153 tweets 38 min read

#HungerGamesLiveTweet starts now

I get the feeling I'm woefully unprepared for this. At least with Harry Potter I knew it had to do with magic and stuff.

Whereas I just found out Hunger Games isn't about food this morning.

Anyways, LET'S GO. #HungerGamesLiveTweet

Public reaping?
May 28, 2018 36 tweets 5 min read
Alright so

The first time I ever smoked pot... In hindsight there were a lot of red fucking flags that should've prevented me from thinking this was a good idea. Like the fact that the hemp bracelet I used to have gave me a rash...

But I am not a smart man.
May 20, 2018 96 tweets 24 min read
Alright. Its high noon. Let's kick off the #FantasticBeastsLiveTweet

I know even less about this than I did Harry Potter. How, you ask? Because I didn't even know this existed, and up until the point someone spelled it out for me, didn't know it was canon with HP.

ROLL IT #FantasticBeastsLiveTweet


Is it possible to experience nostalgia for something you didn't know existed two weeks ago?
May 12, 2018 135 tweets 33 min read
12pm: fire up #HarryPotter and the #DeathlyHallows pt2 for the potential finale of the #HarryPotterLiveTweet series

While we're watching this, remember that Harry was essentially a foster child, and every child deserves love and shelter:

LET'S GO! #HarryPotterLiveTweet

Man it really sucks that y'all had to WAIT for this movie and I can just binge.

On the other hand, I have had like ZERO time to process my losses.
May 11, 2018 119 tweets 29 min read
The #HarryPotterLiveTweet of #HarryPotter and the #DeathlyHallows starts NOW.

Jokes on all of you! I have no soul LEFT to crush! It has evaporated from the Half Blood Prince. There's no way it can get worse.

This is gonna be all sunshine, puppies, and fucking rainbows. #HarryPotterLiveTweet

Oh shit Bill Nighe? I have no idea how to spell his name.

But I fucking love him.
May 11, 2018 122 tweets 31 min read
Alcohol? ✅
Tissues? ✅
Stuffed animal? ✅
Will to live? Still there. For the time being.

The #HarryPotterLiveTweet of #HarryPotter and the #HalfBloodPrince starts RIGHT NOW.


Hope Bubbles is okay <3 #HarryPotterLiveTweet

Weird ass opening.
May 9, 2018 121 tweets 30 min read
Alright! #HarryPotter and the #OrderOfThePhoenix #HarryPotterLiveTweet PART FIVE. Hitting play!

Also, lots of people have been asking to send me stuff like a scarf, etc. Someone even drew me as a wizard! If you want to send something, send it to PO Box 17244, Salem, OR 97305 #HarryPotterLiveTweet

God damn I love the music.
May 8, 2018 116 tweets 30 min read
Alright! #Livetweet of #HarryPotter #GobletofFire starts now! (1PM PST)

Never seen any of these before. Today is day four.

The kids have long hair now, and there are OTHER WIZARD SCHOOLS?!?! The fuck?

Let's jump right in shall we? #HarryPotterLiveTweet

I usually pause a movie about ten times so its gonna be a challenge not doing it at all...

But I know lots of people are watching too. This feels like a movie theater!
May 7, 2018 95 tweets 26 min read
Day 3, movie 3.

Not a lot going on with this cover except some flying thing in the background. Harry seems to have grown several feet taller. Tall enough to pimp slap Dudley is his goddamn mouth? I hope so.

Here we go: #HarryPotterLiveTweet of the #PrisonerOfAzkaban! #HarryPotterLiveTweet

I've been told the third one is the best, so let's see.
May 6, 2018 69 tweets 19 min read
#HarryPotterLiveTweet Thread starts here!

And why are they trying to board a train with a car? Why not just MEET the train at Hogwarts? #HarryPotterLiveTweet

And why is it called Hogwarts? Kinda nasty, IMHO.