Author of "Something's Not Right: Decoding the Hidden Tactics of Abuse and Freeing Yourself from Its Power."
Sep 8, 2018 • 16 tweets • 3 min read
When victims decide to go public with their story of abuse, people can be quick to question their motivations, especially if the accused is a powerful person.
However, the number of motivations for never telling that victims have to overcome are often unknown. Here are 12:
1. Victims might remain silent if they believe the credibility of their story will be called into question. If the story threatens the identity, power, or position of a well-known and loved individual, then many might discredit victims to protect the more powerful individual.
Sep 2, 2018 • 5 tweets • 1 min read
An abuser will test boundaries knowing his behavior might fall just short of being seen as a clear violation.
He’ll use flattery to send a message of care while he objectifies his victim.
This produces confusion (“what’s happening?”) and a sense of captivity (“what do I do?”)
If called out, he will give the impression that the action was unintentional. We tend to excuse someone who accidentally or unknowingly crosses a line.
This is part of the reason for testing boundaries. If exposed, the abuser can easily claim ignorance or innocence.
Apr 8, 2018 • 12 tweets • 2 min read
It is not uncommon for people to question the motivations behind a victim's telling of a #metoo story, especially if the accused is highly revered. What's forgotten is the number of motivations for NOT telling that a victim has to overcome in order to come forward. Here are 11:
1. A major reason for remaining silent is the victim’s belief that the credibility of his or her story will be challenged. This is especially true if the story threatens the reputation of powerful and respected people.
Jan 9, 2018 • 15 tweets • 3 min read
Lately, #metoo and #churchtoo victims have been emboldened to share their stories. In response, some abusers have issued statements in an attempt to define the "incident" in the way the way they want everyone to define it. Here are 12 of the many tactics we've seen recently:
1. The details of a victim's story are disruptive to the image of the abuser. Therefore, abusers will give it a label and say nothing more about it. Her details may destroy their definition of the "incident" and reveal coverup of a crime, not a mistake which the abuser regrets.
