Trish Malone  (she/her) Profile picture
May 31, 2018 • 17 tweets • 13 min read Twitter logo Read on Twitter
I got to explain #GayPanic and #UselessLesbian to my pysch today 😂

These are terms I just learned (over the last few months myself) that described succinctly, what the heck is going on with my brain.

To unpack these terms, I'm going to start you with Sappho.
-
-
“Sweet mother, I cannot weave –
slender Aphrodite has overcome me
with longing for a girl.” –Sappho

To everyone, we've almost all been in this feeling. (i cannot speak for Ace)
Someone we see or meet, and their presence just #dazzles us into #malfunction (however brief)

-
- it's a pretty common #human #feeling. (again, cannot speak for Ace, and that's ok, y'all are lovely :) )

now here's where #GayPanic sets in... we feel the feels...omg. wow.
and our brains go into... IS THIS DANGER????

I'm sorry to say, our panic does start there.
-
- we (the users of the term, wherever you are in the spectrum)

we #instinctually first consider, will #loving someone bring us #violence?
actually, back that train up.
Will #havingacrush bring us violence?

Are #feelings #safe?

we joke to take the edge off (see Tumblr)
-
- but we cant take away that first instinct

#fact, when i was just coming out to mum, a young lady was dragged aside by 3 men, they held her down, cut her arms, carved RIP DYKE into her stomach & amidst her sobbing & asking why, they said to her, "at least we're not raping you"-
- To this day, i wonder about her... where is she now? Is she ok?

and to this day, I hear that story, and the others i've heard since.
SO....
yes, the #panic is real.

if I like someone and they know, what will happen?
What do we do about this?

We watch for signs.
#subtext.

-
- we also get to our friends and say, do you know them? are they safe?
all kinds of methods.

WHICH, brings me to the second term, #UselessLesbian. (i dont know the other terms, I am a lesbian, so this is the one I was given :) )
(ps, i wanna hear your terms :) tell me)

-
- #UselessLesbian, is a term that describes... well, that lovely in between place of...
I am having #gaypanic
I don't know what to do.
I can't assume anything or i'll be unsafe.
so... I guess they're being friendly with me?
(even if you're straight up making out)
-
-for those wondering, I read that story, and i'm glad her current GF persisted with her words, and explaining that it was ok, and yes she was after a relationship.

I don't much care for the term Useless, as we're damned handy to have around,
but it's a quick/easy phrase that
-
- encapsulates this feeling of.... is it ok to #feel?
is it alright to #love?
I don't know.
so maybe if i freeze in my panic, it will sort itself out.

That has to be one of the sadder things i've ever written just now.
(and yeah, i do it too. not immune)

so, #whattodo?
-
- FIRST: for everyone, not just the L in the #quiltbag (love that one!)
get clear on who you are.

I am Trish. I bring this to #relationships. (make an actual list)

Get clear on what you will not accept. make another list.

and those are hard #boundaries.
PS this takes #time

-
-
Next, if you think someone is #flirting but you are unsure.... #ask.
point blank.
if they recoil in "omg ha ha no, ew gross....."

move along.
they're not ready for you even if they were one of us.

otherwise, should you spot someone, and you need to do #safety #research
-
- definitely, do the #research. (#friends will #help you on this)

If they're #safe enough to #approach, and you're ready to do so (clear about who you are)
start the #conversation.

Hey, I noticed you.
(i gotta write me a script here... did i mention i'm not #immune?) 🤣

-
- in a weird way, it's like some crazy tv operative mission ^,^
but, #itgetsbetter. I have seen it.

in the mean time, shining a light on the terms #GayPanic and #uselessLesbian, to share, what they are.
If u see it in u, you can deal with it.
#mentalhealthmatters #queerhealth
Adding in here that someone just brought it to my attention that the Tumblr use of #GayPanic, is different than the historical use.

Apparently it was used to justify violence against queer people in a court of law.

welp...
my thread holds.
do your safety checks my sweeties.
unroll thread please @ThreadReaderApp
and thank you kindly :)
About the story of the woman who was brutalized, In my head I knew that was a news story my mum brought up, when she asked me not to come out, for fear of my safety... I forgot to put that in the tweet tho...

#comingout #mentalhealthmatters

• • •

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Aug 18, 2018
. @metheridge &all here with touchscreens

Right now, notice where your head is in space. Is it out forward over your chest, or is it more directly up and over your shoulders?
If not,then,as if someone pulled a thread from the top of your skullcap straight up...pullyour head up-
-and put your head back direct over your shoulders.
Doing this a little each day will loosen your back muscles & arm muscles a bit. (might even help with pain)

I bet you're nearsighted & put your head down to the screen when you read, just like me.

Now, about those arms-
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I hold my pencil and mouse tight. Death grip. Been working on loosening for years.
I rest by not using either.

Turns out, touch screening a phone, uses the same death poke, and the arm up in the same tightly bent position.

Check how you're doing it
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Aug 15, 2018
And for my #visuallyimpaired folks, I will #type out the #text of that #image, down here. Cuz the data is #important. (one of these days I'll get all my comics done with text properly on the site)

Starts here: Hello, It's Trish Malone, creator of #NKVSSP and slightly hurty -
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As a patient with #EhlersDanlosSyndrome, I have to be on top of, -
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Aug 10, 2018
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Due to #overuse (read, #trying to be what i #usedtobe, and #computing every day)

I must stop the majority of my right arm usage for a week. Maybe 2.

#OnWithTheShow!

#NKVSSP #webcomics #webcomicchat #comicbookhour #Disability #kitteh #puppy #lefty #ouch
I've been a bit #reluctant to talk about #issues

My #health is up & down, and I'm used to it.
I get around, or I lay down (laying down while typing right now)
&now that my forearm is burnin, I'll be doing this a little less as previously stated.

fine enough, but lets talk bout-
-internalized disabili-phobia. (gimmee a break,& gimmee the word if it exists)

it kinda works like internalized homophobia really. I pulled inside all of the shit I've heard for years. all of the hate, all of the "there's no place for you, so go and die already". all inside-
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Jul 27, 2018
Here we have the beginning of the #show!
Kinda hot, but the first cloud loomed (pretty!)
We set up behind the #drums in the back 😊

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Melissa Etheridge coming down the side ramp toward the stage!

This photo is bleached out cuz of the intense sun beating down on us (before the rest of the clouds would sweep across the sky)
Unsure which songs these are from.
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Jul 23, 2018
I'm officially back online! woot!
& I've noticed something.

for someone who has reading difficulties, I do far better reading the news than watching it. (with a few caveats)

I start my morning by scanning twitter and FB.
trending names or story titles only.

THEN, research-
-begins. Who said what? Who is reporting what? Which news source?

I'll check across a couple written sources, note which facts appear in those reports. (tones change all the time, but the base facts stay the same)

I try to stick to news I can do something about.

-
-
Doing something being, Who can I tell? Can I call? Is our representative in town and responsive? (sarcastic, yet serious q)

If I can't do something about it, can someone else do? (I know people doing things related to specific topics) (we pick specialties)

Sound is worse-
Read 5 tweets
Jul 6, 2018
Boppin about this evening & ran across this #article
Are you #Emotionally #Repressed?
harleytherapy.co.uk/counselling/em…
How do the kids say it nowadays? I feel #calledout?
I've gotten much better,but i can still recall a time when I thought the epitome of feeling good, was feeling nothing
Seriously, if you're #reading down the #list going, "That's me, that's me, that's me, and oooooo is that EVER me!"

I'd definitely #recommend getting some #help with the matter.
It's taken years to be #comfortable in my own skin.
Years of breaking the old records in my head
-
-And as #Ralph would say, Totally worth it!

It's a freakin #relief, to cry a tiny bit in a #movie theatre at a moving point in the film, without having to expend all the extra #energy in "did someone see me?"
#exhausting!

and that's just one tiny perk :)

I #lookforward to-
Read 6 tweets

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