Dearest Ma,
They wanted me to fight but I knew I could do more here with my many Russians bots and cloth diapers. You see owning the libs is merely a state of mind and a matter of likes and retweets.
Your son
Charlie Kirk #secondcivilwarletters
As I watch the battles rage I am glad that I am wearing my tactical polo shirts and am slathered with Ritz Carlton lotion. Do protect the Christian chicken franchise. Also I’m not having an affair with any of my employees. Love Scott #SecondCivilWarLetters
Dearest Jared, please know that father has high hopes for you to end this war. Also I might be leaving you for @JustinTrudeau. Love Ivanka #secondcivilwarletters
My gums long for you as I watch soho burn and I think about that time I said “democrats aren’t humans” on Fox News. Perhaps that was a mistake?
Love Eric
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This is my son. He’s a large adult holding an enormous gun. Sometimes he kills elephants for fun. Is he even divorced yet? He thinks he’s the future of the Republican Party. He once dmed with Julian Assange. #HimToo
This is my son. He had five kids but this is not his wife. #himtoo
This is my adult son. He’s okay except if you give him beer and then he tends to get a little allegedly rapey. #HimToo
I’m old enough to remember when they told us Trumpism wouldn’t be so bad and that Ivanka would be a moderating force and that we were being hysterical for nothing. We weren’t hysterical. We were right.