Thread by @iamthe_eagle

THE HUSTLE.

Fred stood with arms on his head looking at the motionless body of the hooker he barely met 2hours ago.

“My penis don put me for wahala.” He wailed.

“Guy, we need to dispose this body before daybreak” Efe suggested.

Brethren, Issa Crazy thread.
#feeltheeagle

Fred hustled for years without reward. Every available option failed. Living from hand to mouth was a miracle as the chances of surviving the next day became a gamble.

His only escape was ‘Corporate begging.’
He laced his shoe, tucked in his shirt and set off for the daily hustle.

He had barely reached Oshodi when he bumped into Efe who was looking elegant in a designer suit and a briefcase.

Efe and fred served in Jos 5 years ago.

“Fredo! Its been years. So you follow dey this Lagos?” Efe screamed.

“Yes o! Just like yesterday. You look great, I guess youre going to work.” Fred said.
“Yeah. I forgot my wallet at home. And I am stranded here. Can I get little cash to take me to work? ” Efe asked.

Ah, I was about to ask you cos I am also stranded here.” Fred replied.
There was an awkward silence.
“Are you doing what I am thinking?” Efe asked.
“No, I can’t indulge in corporate begging. I am a manager in my branch. It’s just that I left my car with the mechanic.”Fred bluffed

“There’s no need to be ashamed. It’s my main hustle.” Efe grinned.

“Oboy! With all this packaging. See your designer suit. I’m still a learner.” Fred exclaimed.

“Yeah, you need proper mentoring.” Efe grinned.
“Mentoring on Corporate begging? Chai, The labour market has failed us.” Fred screamed.

“Yeah. Lagosians are getting wiser, you need to upgrade.”
“Hmm, how do I upgrade?”
“Follow me.” Efe said.

They arrived at a beer parlour.
“What I do is simple, I invest and recycle wealth.” Efe said
“How can one invest with the peanuts I get.” Fred asked
“You call that peanuts? People have become millionaires with what you call peanuts.” Efe said pouring another glass of chilled beer

“Really, What kind of investment.” Fred eyes widened.
“Online betting.”
“Mtcheew! And you call that investment?”

How do u think I pay my rent and afford these designers, you think its from begging? All I do is beg a little, Invest in some fixed matches. If I win, fine. If I lose, I return back to the streets to reinforce.” Efe explained.

Fred bought the Idea, for the first time he entered into the streets with a new purpose other than survival.
He made an average of 2k per day. He devoted 1k daily into online betting. 7 days had gone by and he won nothing.

The annoying part was when one game cut a ticket of 30k. A penalty was given on the last minute and the team he put to win missed the penalty that would have given them victory. He cried all night.

He got angry and confronted Efe.

“Guy this your so called investment is bullshit. I have lost 7k already in one week.” Fred asserted.
“Log in, Let me see your betslip.” Efe asked.
Fred handed Efe the phone.
“Haba! How do you expect to win 5million with N100. That is pure greed.”

“But I play 10tickets a day.” Fred explained.

“It won’t still work. Look at my ticket.”
Fred looked at Efe’s ticket.
“5k for 2.5 odds, Thats risky.” Fred screamed.

“You call mine risky, yours is evil! Come this evening and watch me celebrate.” Efe grinned.

Fred got home. He saw his belongings outside.

He approached his landlord.
“Please give me 1more week.” Fred begged.
“Well, I have been patient for 6 months, A new tenant has moved in.” The landlord asserted.

Fred packed his belongings to Efe’s house. He met Efe in a happy mood.

“Guy take beer. My ticket don enter.” Efe grinned.
“How much did you win. 12,500 on one ticket, 6k on the other.” Efe said.

Fred was surprised.

“Oboy!, You are lucky. My landlord don pursue me.”
“Sorry, You can put up with me. What are friends for?”
“Inconveniences. Thank you so much” Fred replied as he hugged Efe.

“I have just one condition.” Efe said
“What is it?” Fred asked.
“Whenever I have match to play, you have to find somewhere else to sleep.”
“That one no be condition. It’s the normal Bro code.” Fred laughed.

Weeks on, they continued the hustle.

Despite Efe’s coaching on betting, Fred secretly tried mind blowing odds.

He got home after a disappointing day on the streets. Rain had frustrated his hustle.

With tired eyes he logged on the bet site on his phone to try his luck with the little he had left. What he saw shocked him.

Behold!

Everybody say Behold!

He saw N430,000 on the account section of his bet app.
He couldn’t believe his eyes.
He checked through his previous betlists. He was shocked to see a long row of green icons.
“I don hammer! Their fada!”He exclaimed.
Efe rushed in to see what happened.
Fred showed him.

“Oboy, You don blow!”
“Yes O! My village people don surrender.”
“Why didn’t you give me this code?” Efe asked.
Fred’s reply.

“This calls for celebration. We must go clubbing tonight.” Efe suggested
“Yes O! I must party hard.” Fred supported.

That night they headed to a club in Ikeja along Allen.
“Fredo this party would not be complete without… you know na.” Efe suggested.
“Hahhahahha…. Na correct guy you be. But poverty don spoil my flows.”
“Flows ke! For ashewo? Na them go rush you.” Efe grinned.
Fred’s reaction👇

“I can’t sleep with a hooker. I may get AIDS.” Fred asserted.

“My brother, the chances of getting AIDS from an unfaithful partner is higher. Besides na condom you go use. Enjoy!” Efe assured.

As they strolled past Allen many hookers ran towards them.
“Chai, Na dam dey rush us O!” Fred said.
“Oya pick your choice.”
“Hmmm! I like that one with big breast.” Fred smirked.👇

“Oya suit yourself.” Efe shrugged.

Other hookers reaction as he approached the one with big breasts.

“Hmm, How much for the night.”
“15k for 1 round, 50k for the night.” She said chewing gum in an irritating manner.

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“Haba, na Gold I wan find there?” Fred screamed.

“Fredo, you stingy die. Despite the money wey u chop, you still dey price olosho.” Efe Interrupted.

“My brother, it takes 2 weeks of corporate begging to earn 15k, and she wants it in one round. Mek she fear God na.”

“Oya take 20k for the night” Efe pleaded.
“20k!” Fred screamed in surprise.
“Make it 30k” she responded.
“How about 25k” Efe insisted.
“I accept but, You go pay 15k before we go.” She said.
Fred reluctantly gave her the money.

They headed home in a taxi.
“She’s all yours. Enjoy your night.” Efe said.
“Where would you sleep?” Fred asked.
“Don’t worry about me, I’ll sort myself out. Enjoy yourself.” Efe said as he left.
#terrifictuesday

“Ermm, what is your name.” Fred stammered.
“Shuuu! Na F***K I come here to do, no be interview.” She said as she started undressing.

Suddenly, the big boobs that attracted him rolled down to form a slipper shaped deflated tyre.

Fred’s reaction.👇

“This is not what I paid for.” He said.

“Take it or leave it.” She said as she lifted her bag.

“Oya come. somebody cannot play with you. Is that how you use to do?”🎶🎶🎶

“How do you like it. Direct or indirect?” She asked.
“I don’t understand.” Fred answered.

“Direct means we go straight to the main event. Indirect means i'll give you a BJ first before the main event.”

Since we have all night, lets do indirect. He said.

She proceeded to give him mind blowing BJs.

Fred was in cloud 9. He could hear the sparks from the fuse on his brain.

In less than a minute, He let the juice out.

“Na so 15k for just go. Thank God say na overnight.” He thought.
“Looks like you’ve not had sex in a while.” She said
“Yeah. 2 years going…. Wait! You speak good English.“
“Off course, I am a graduate.” She replied.
Fred was shocked.

“Chai! Why prostitution of all hustles.”

“I’m not ready to go over this line of discussion. Except you have a credible Job that pays more.”

Fred was stunned.
“Are you ready for another round or I’ll just sleep.” She added.

“Sure, My money must work for me.”

They began another bout of samankwe.
This time Fred lasted longer and showed no sign of stopping.
“Harder, faster, you can do better than this.” she moaned.
“You can’t stand me o!” Fred boasted as he thrusted.
“I don’t care, destroy it!” She yelled.
Fred gave a weird grin.

Fred decided to channel his past frustrations into the sexcapade.
“Keep going, I like this.” She urged.
He thrusted faster.
“I can’t breathe! I can’t breathe!” She screamed.
Fred ignored. she passed out.

He tapped her severally, she was motionless.
He was shocked.

He quickly jumped up and phoned Efe.
Efe arrived few minutes later.

“What happened?”
“She told me to go faster, Which I did.”
“Then?”
“She started screaming she couldn’t breathe. I thought it was a complement. Next thing I knew, she passed out.”

“Guy we need to dispose this body before daybreak” Efe said.

Fred’s reply.👇

Fred was shocked at Efe’s statement.
“What if we call a doctor.” Fred insisted.
“Doctor? E be like say you no wan enjoy the 430k wey you just win.”

Fred was in a state of confusion as he looked at the motionless body of the hooker he barely met 2hrs ago.
“Time is going O!” Efe beckoned.
“Where do we dispose her?”
“Dustbin na.”
“What if they catch us there?”
“It is better than seeing her corpse in my house.”
Fred’s reaction👇

Efe got a huge nylon bag
They wrapped her and her belongings in it.

It was raining heavily outside.
They had barely crossed to the next street when a bright light flashed on them.
“Stop there!”
A police van drove towards their direction.
“If you run, we’ll shoot.”

They stopped.

3 police men approached Fred and Efe.
“What are you carrying?”
Fred and Efe kept mute.
The policemen opened the bag to reveal the body inside.

Their reaction on seeing the body.👇

You guys are ritualists.” The police asserted.
“I can Explain.” Fred begged.

“Oya talk.”
Fred explained everything to them.

“I don’t believe you, We will take you to the station.”

As they tried forcing them into the van, Efe who had kept mute all the while interrupted them.

“Officer, Officer, how much do you want?” He said casually.
“Are you trying to bribe an officer of the law?” The officer shouted.

“No, we just want to appreciate your commitment to a safer society.”
“I don’t understand.” The officer beamed.
“Let me speak with your Oga, he will understand my language.”

The officer who was in another Van across the road summoned them.

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“Oga, my friend has enough money to bury this case.” Efe said.
“Let’s not beat around the bush, How much do you have?” The officer asked.
“N50,000” said fred.
All the officers burst into laughter.

“Do we look like beggars? Give us 1million and we will let you go.” The officer said.

“1 million!” Fred & Efe Chorused.

“Sir, we just have N200k” Efe said.
“The officer collected their phones and forced them to unlock it.”
“Your last balance is 373k,” He said after checking Fred’s phone.
“There’s about 12k on the account of the other phone.” He said pointing at Efe’s phone.

His final reaction.👇

“What do we do sir?”
“Right now, you will Transfer everything in your account and hand over your phones or you’ll follow us to the station.”

Fred looked at Efe. They had no option as time was running out. Reluctantly they transferred everything.

Fred’s reaction on hearing the sound of his debit alert.

The police men ejected the SIM cards from their phones and flung it on them.

Suddenly.
Everybody say suddenly.

They heard a cough from the direction of the Nylon bag.

Fred and Efe quickly rushed to her.

“What am I doing here?” She asked.
They Both kept mute
She quickly searched her bag and brought out an Inhaler.

“Are you asthmatic?” Fred asked.
She ignored them as she Quickly dressed up.

“Sir, she has woken up. We need our refund.” Fred and Efe chorused.

“Which refund, Do I know you?” Said one officer.
“What are you talking about?” said the other officer.

The police reaction, as They quickly entered their van and zoomed off.👇

The hooker stretched out her left hand.
“My balance.” She said.

There was a moment of silence.

"My balance!" She asked again.

Fred's reply.👇

Efe's reply.👇

If you were in Fred’s shoes what would you do?

comment whatever you'll do to her.

They ignored her.

She quickly screamed. “Ole! You don F**K me finish! You no wan pay.”

As People gathered outside.
Fred and Efe took to their heels.

**The End.**

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