Chuck Wendig Profile picture
Sep 24, 2018 15 tweets 4 min read Twitter logo Read on Twitter
seriously what the fuck is Gritty

I love Gritty, I do, but you can tell Gritty did some bath salts and killed a guy with an ice skate before eating him under a bridge

I bet Gritty got fucked up on yard mushrooms and ate his own nose
Listen we already have the Philly Phanatic and I don’t know what the sweet hot hell he is but despite looking like the secret love child of Big Bird and Gonzo, he at least looks like he has his shit together
and then there was GRITTY
he’s gonna haunt me

I think I love him
this is the last thing you see before you die
GRITTY has seen some shit too

he’s seen the inside of a CIA black site prison

he’s seen two meteors fucking on the far side of Saturn before birthing an angry comet

he’s seen his own soul leave his body after a long night of weird Russian cocaine
GRITTY knows what you did
this is when GRITTY looks up from the other mascot he just killed and he sees you seeing him

and now you both have a choice

will he come for you

will you join him

were you GRITTY all along
GRITTY is like a McDonald’s mascot in the End Times

an Apocalypse Muppet

a glorious fast food hockey abomination

and he’s coming
do not cast shade toward my large adult son
GRITTY sways with a belly full of bathtub tequila and possum meat

he is seducing you even now
GRITTY is part bear, part orangutan, part piss-soaked mop, part hill cannibal, part angel from the Book of Ezekiel, part gas station attendant high on spraypaint, part Yeti, part Leviathan, part Behemoth, part the Xenomorph baby from Alien: Resurrection, and part of you too
gritty is lit





• • •

Missing some Tweet in this thread? You can try to force a refresh

Keep Current with Chuck Wendig

Chuck Wendig Profile picture

Stay in touch and get notified when new unrolls are available from this author!

Read all threads

This Thread may be Removed Anytime!


Twitter may remove this content at anytime! Save it as PDF for later use!

Try unrolling a thread yourself!

how to unroll video
  1. Follow @ThreadReaderApp to mention us!

  2. From a Twitter thread mention us with a keyword "unroll"
@threadreaderapp unroll

Practice here first or read more on our help page!

More from @ChuckWendig

Oct 9, 2018
ways to combat climate change
- eat people, preferably the annoying and bad ones
- stop farting all the time
- make your own socks instead of cutting down all those sock trees
- fire guns at the mean clouds
seriously I joke because if I can't joke I'll eat my own fingers down to the bloody nubbin
I mean, we're receiving news that we are destroying our planet because, basically, we just really like having more money than the next guy, so what if that kills all the puffins, fuck you puffins, I need a wave runner
Read 5 tweets
Oct 8, 2018
Soy contains phytoestrogen -- plant estrogen -- that is assumed by insecure dipshits to have an effect on male virility. (Regular milk has estrogen. So does bourbon.) More to the point, it is a coded insult that implicitly, if not explicitly, sexist and homophobic.
Ironically, soy and cuck and beta are also baby booboo diaperboy insults -- they're the repeated chants of not a savvy bully but the savvy bully's dingleberry buddies who stand in the back and just repeat what they hear. A gaggle of lesser dumdums behind King Dumdum Biff Tannen.
Read 4 tweets
Oct 8, 2018
In case you missed the announcement, I'm writing a five-issue miniseries called SHADOW OF VADER for Marvel! Deets here -->…
And also it's time to announce DEATH & HONEY, a second series of novellas written by @KevinHearne, @DelilahSDawson (as Lila Bowen) and myself -- bonus, @SubPress is doing a limited print run! Cover by @galendara --…
DEATH & HONEY features a new Oberon's Meaty Mystery from @KevinHearne, a new Rhett Walker story from @DelilahSDawson, and from me, a tie-in novella starring Wren from the Miriam Black books, bridging the gap from RAPTOR & WREN to the final book, VULTURES. Out in February!
Read 5 tweets
Oct 7, 2018
oh good I’m sure this won’t be annoying at all
convicted felon says what
guess I need to check my pockets to see if someone planted a Shithead Magnet on me somewhere
Read 5 tweets
Oct 6, 2018
There will be renewed calls for civility. Ignore them. They ask for civility as a way for you to grant them complicity in what they do.
Civility is for normalcy. When things are normal and working as intended, civility is part of maintaining balance. But when that balance is gone, civility does not help return it but rather, destabilize it further. Because your civility gives them cover for evil.
Note: this isn’t the same as calling for violence. But it is suggesting that you should not be shamed for using vigorous, vulgar language. Or for standing up in disobedience. Or for demanding acknowledgement and action in whatever way you must.
Read 11 tweets
Oct 4, 2018
I do seriously believe that art and writing and storytelling is an act of resistance. It shouldn't be the only one, but it can be a vital one just the same. Stories change the world. Art reflects a society that then works to reflect art in turn.
I think it can be resistance to fill your work with your ideas. I think it can be resistance to give yourself and your audience an escape hatch from the boiling cauldron of stupid we're all living in. I think all art is politics, and there's value in embracing that and using it.
I know it feels like sometimes we shouldn't be telling stories, or promoting them, or creating art, because it feels like... what, a waste? Squawking into the void? Tap-dancing on the Titanic? But don't feel guilty about that. Tell that voice to fuck right off.
Read 6 tweets

Did Thread Reader help you today?

Support us! We are indie developers!

This site is made by just two indie developers on a laptop doing marketing, support and development! Read more about the story.

Become a Premium Member ($3/month or $30/year) and get exclusive features!

Become Premium

Don't want to be a Premium member but still want to support us?

Make a small donation by buying us coffee ($5) or help with server cost ($10)

Donate via Paypal

Or Donate anonymously using crypto!


0xfe58350B80634f60Fa6Dc149a72b4DFbc17D341E copy


3ATGMxNzCUFzxpMCHL5sWSt4DVtS8UqXpi copy

Thank you for your support!

Follow Us on Twitter!