Thread by @mkhammer

On a very special night, as long as everyone wears black, if one industry of rampant perversion lectures another industry of rampant perversion super self-righteously, all the perversion is solved.

Gal Gadot is a perfect human. We don’t deserve her protection. #goldenglobes

Oh, hi, @TheRock! There are two perfect humans on stage. We don’t deserve their protection.

Write down all these names for future “turned out he was a molester” BINGO. Best #goldenglobes drinking game of 2019.

There’s an upcoming project called “Widows”? Dammit, someone took that screenplay right from under me. #YSWIDT #gallowshumor

Y’all, I gotta put these kids to bed. Tweeting may commence when I’m done unless I fall asleep. My #timesup. #goldenglobes

Elisabeth Moss speech on a Wokeness Scale, a really pleasant and reasonable 6/10. I may even watch “Handmaids” now, God help me. Under His Eye. #goldenglobes

Now is a really good time for a PSA for my fellow journalists, who will be writing about “The Post” incessantly. It’s K-A-T-H-A-R-I-N-E Graham. #katharinesolidarity #alsokatharinehepburn 💅🏻

“The Handmaid’s Tale??” If there’s one word I could use to describe this win, it’d be “timely.” #goldenglobes

“The Room” and “The Disaster Artist” are such ridiculous Hollywood inside baseball, but I confess James Franco makes me want to watch both. #goldenglobes

Please say something about tea, Mariah. I neeeeed it. #goldenglobes

MISSED OPPORTUNITY!

Kelly and Keith, y’all cute. #goldenglobes

If I were getting a #goldenglobes, I’d thank Angela from the @McDonalds drive-thru, who feeds my family & has never gotten an order wrong.

Octavia Spencer is super-charming and I hope she brings back the name Octavia. #goldenglobes

“The Shape of Water” is peak Guillermo Del Toro. Creepy, beautiful, & would be in danger of silliness in anyone else’s hands, but haunting & cool in his. #goldenglobes

James Franco mic-blocking Wiseau. 😂 #goldenglobes

Sharon Stone is forever hot & kinda seems like a badass. #goldenglobes

Don’t lie. Y’all all wish Laura Dern was wearing her “Jurassic Park” outfit but black. #goldenglobes

There is no better example of our society’s perverse incentives than Tonya Harding being played in a feature film by MARGOT ROBBIE. #goldenglobes

Pixar wins! No one is surprised. #goldenglobes Seriously, they tell a better story than anyone, tho.

O hai, “Dunkirk.”

OMG, look of “Dunkirk” actors in the cutaway who are like “this movie is so not woke enough to win.” #goldenglobes

Oprah never really been my thing, but can’t deny she’s *created* a thing that did not exist before, & that it was unlikely. Also, her glasses & look are fab.

Steadman shout-out!

Unfortunate cutaway to Meryl Streep while Oprah’s talking about women speaking out with the truth. #goldenglobes

Maybe Oprah IS my thing after all. #goldenglobes

The “all male” nominees comment from Natalie Portman is the most obnoxious of the night & winner is Guillermo del Toro. Totally deserved.