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Chef Shwasty Profile picture
@ChefShwasty
May 11, 2018 • 119 tweets • 29 min read Twitter logo Read on Twitter
The #HarryPotterLiveTweet of #HarryPotter and the #DeathlyHallows starts NOW.

Jokes on all of you! I have no soul LEFT to crush! It has evaporated from the Half Blood Prince. There's no way it can get worse.

This is gonna be all sunshine, puppies, and fucking rainbows.
#HarryPotterLiveTweet

Oh shit Bill Nighe? I have no idea how to spell his name.

But I fucking love him.
#HarryPotterLiveTweet

Jesus they're all adults now.
#HarryPotterLiveTweet

I've got my depression meal of bagel bites ready to go.
#HarryPotterLiveTweet

Did Hermione just erase herself from existence?

Dude. Already with this tearing up shit?
#HarryPotterLiveTweet

Fuck you, Snape.

I loved you.

But now you're a demon ghost.
#HarryPotterLiveTweet

He seems... Conflicted?
#HarryPotterLiveTweet

Hey look its a room of people I kinda trusted.

Snape.

Scabbers.

Voldermort.

... Not so much on the last one. But you get it.
#HarryPotterLiveTweet

Fuckstick looks like he's seen some shit.
#HarryPotterLiveTweet

Brush Voldie is a RACIST
#HarryPotterLiveTweet

These fuckers are hardcore.
#HarryPotterLiveTweet

And then Sirius came back and arrested everyone with wolfboy and then Matt Smith came out of nowhere and Doctored all up in that bitch and made Dumbledore come back and all was right.
#HarryPotterLiveTweet

This room of people makes me happy.
#HarryPotterLiveTweet

I don't have to worry about waking up at 5AM for work tomorrow, so I am NOT holding back on the whiskey tonight.

Feel like I might need it.
#HarryPotterLiveTweet

This is fucking weird.
#HarryPotterLiveTweet

Harry Potter and the Clone Fetish.
#HarryPotterLiveTweet

ON YER HARRYS

GET SET

AAAND

HARRY
#HarryPotterLiveTweet

Harry looks like R2D2 by comparison to Hagrid.
#HarryPotterLiveTweet

Woah WHAT

THEY KILLED THE FUCKING OWL

IS NOTHING SACRED
#HarryPotterLiveTweet

I'm just gonna go punch noseless people after this

If you ain't got a nose, stay the fuck away from me
#HarryPotterLiveTweet

I mean, was the owl necessary? That didn't need to happen.
#HarryPotterLiveTweet

They're gonna be okay.

I don't know who it is.

Who got hurt.
#HarryPotterLiveTweet

I fucking love their friendship
#HarryPotterLiveTweet

George isn't dead. He's just hurt.
#HarryPotterLiveTweet

I am GONNA TURN THIS MOVIE OFF IF HE DIES
#HarryPotterLiveTweet

THEY KILLED MOONEY

IT HAS BEEN 20 MINUTES
#HarryPotterLiveTweet

I didn't make enough depression bagel bites.
#HarryPotterLiveTweet

Ohhhh who is doing this FUCKING smear campaign

Get hurt
#HarryPotterLiveTweet

So are Harry and Ginny a thing?

Because.

Ah yeah. Its a thing.
#HarryPotterLiveTweet

Slartibartfast came to the wedding.
#HarryPotterLiveTweet

Dumbledore's middle name is Brian.

Haha.
#HarryPotterLiveTweet

These are all gonna mean something.
#HarryPotterLiveTweet

THE SWORD IS BACK

oh. Never mind.
#HarryPotterLiveTweet

The sword does what it wants.

It might be off having a nice holiday somewhere.

Let the sword be.
#HarryPotterLiveTweet

Hey

Hey guys

I think this wedding is gonna end poorly

Just like EVERYTHING ELSE SO FAR.
#HarryPotterLiveTweet

BUBBLES
#HarryPotterLiveTweet

GET OFF BUBBLES YOU JACK
#HarryPotterLiveTweet

What were the initials from the last part of the last movie?
#HarryPotterLiveTweet

Here we go.

Messed up shit.
#HarryPotterLiveTweet

The ministry is

WOAH HOLY SHIT
#HarryPotterLiveTweet

FUCK GET THE FUCK OUT
#HarryPotterLiveTweet

If this were three movies ago, the gag would be they'd get all hyped up on caffeine and cause some hijinks. JESUS I CAN'T RELAX FOR A SECOND.
#HarryPotterLiveTweet

I'm on edge.
#HarryPotterLiveTweet

Um excuse me

Why was that
#HarryPotterLiveTweet

They're a throuple, aren't they?
#HarryPotterLiveTweet

RAB!
#HarryPotterLiveTweet

Oh shit RAB is a Black.
#HarryPotterLiveTweet

... You know what I mean
#HarryPotterLiveTweet

Sirius' elf. Imma just call him "Nasty"
#HarryPotterLiveTweet

Neville being a fucking BADASS.
#HarryPotterLiveTweet

AH FUCK ME IT'S PINK BITCH
#HarryPotterLiveTweet

Quite a few WWII paralells.
#HarryPotterLiveTweet

I never thought I'd be happy to see Dobbie.
#HarryPotterLiveTweet

And he has SHOES

lookin' good, Dobs. Lookin' good.
#HarryPotterLiveTweet

So what happened to the people who they're impersonating's clothes? Did they just leave three naked strangers in an alley?
#HarryPotterLiveTweet

SINK THE ELEVATOR. TAKE OUT PINK BITCH
#HarryPotterLiveTweet

Should I make another drink now?
#HarryPotterLiveTweet

GET HER HARRY
#HarryPotterLiveTweet

DEER NUKE
#HarryPotterLiveTweet

Why is Ron still...
#HarryPotterLiveTweet

AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
#HarryPotterLiveTweet

If I gave someone a passionate kiss and it turned out to be Ron

I wouldn't be

Like

The MOST mad.
#HarryPotterLiveTweet

Yo what.

What is going on
#HarryPotterLiveTweet

Splinched?

Looks painful as hell
#HarryPotterLiveTweet

Have you tried... Hitting it with a rock or something?
#HarryPotterLiveTweet

I can actually feel my pulse in my fingers. This is true anxiety.

This is not good for my blood pressure.
#HarryPotterLiveTweet

Harry's being tainted by the Horcrux.
#HarryPotterLiveTweet

Snape is headmaster?

I mean... Weird change. But... Huh.
#HarryPotterLiveTweet

Who the hell are these?
#HarryPotterLiveTweet

I know they're teens and shit

But why is she wearing perfume?
#HarryPotterLiveTweet

Why is Ron looking so mad? Like not just wounded, but like... Evil
#HarryPotterLiveTweet

I want the sword

Can I call dibs
#HarryPotterLiveTweet

Ron. Chill.
#HarryPotterLiveTweet

I'm gonna watch so many happy kitten videos after this movie.
#HarryPotterLiveTweet

I love that they're friends.

God damn it. No. No tears.

Stop it.

STOP IT.
#HarryPotterLiveTweet

Put... Put it in your mouth, Harry.

Scared........ Potter?
#HarryPotterLiveTweet

Oh they're going to a HOLLOW where people DIED

Its like a HALLOW of DEATH.

Maybe like a DEATHLY... ah nevermind
#HarryPotterLiveTweet

A child in real life just screamed outside.

I've never heeded a warning more.
#HarryPotterLiveTweet

Tf is the triangle thing
#HarryPotterLiveTweet

I'm going to call my parents and tell them I love them after this movie.
#HarryPotterLiveTweet

Hey are they speaking snake to each other?
#HarryPotterLiveTweet

Woah what what what WHAT THEBFUXK

SHE WAS A SNAKE
#HarryPotterLiveTweet

Hermione is dual-weilding wands. I wanna see some shit.
#HarryPotterLiveTweet

She broke his fucking wand?

I never thought I'd be able to say that with a straight face, let alone be sad about it.
#HarryPotterLiveTweet

Its Harry's nuke.

Follow the nuke, Harry.
#HarryPotterLiveTweet

OH IS THATBTHETSWORD
#HarryPotterLiveTweet

This seems a poor idea, honestly.
#HarryPotterLiveTweet

Called that shit
#HarryPotterLiveTweet

Who the fuck
#HarryPotterLiveTweet

I SCREAMED

I ACTUALLY SCREAMED

RON!!!
#HarryPotterLiveTweet

Holy fuck
#HarryPotterLiveTweet

KILL IT RON
#HarryPotterLiveTweet

God I know this feeling, Ron.
#HarryPotterLiveTweet

Ron just earned a fucking promotion in Dumbledore's Army.
#HarryPotterLiveTweet

Ron, you wake that woman up right.

Give her a kiss.
#HarryPotterLiveTweet

Just fucking kiss
#HarryPotterLiveTweet

God dammit.
#HarryPotterLiveTweet

Well this is kinda an awkward moment. Where's Bubbles?
#HarryPotterLiveTweet

Sign of the Deathly Hallows?
#HarryPotterLiveTweet

Was James the son of the third brother?
#HarryPotterLiveTweet

They took Bubbles
#HarryPotterLiveTweet

PUT ME IN THIS MOVIE I KNOW KARATE IMMA FUCK SOMEONE UP
#HarryPotterLiveTweet

Ah shit. Snatchers.
#HarryPotterLiveTweet

Shit I need to make a drink but everything's too intense.
#HarryPotterLiveTweet

Come on.

Redeem yourself, Blondie.
#HarryPotterLiveTweet

Jesus Helena Bonham Carter is unstable.

This character is kinda off the wall too.
#HarryPotterLiveTweet

BUBBBBBBBLES
#HarryPotterLiveTweet

Alright Dobbie fuck someone up
#HarryPotterLiveTweet

*Sniffles* fuck you Scabbers
#HarryPotterLiveTweet

GO RON
#HarryPotterLiveTweet

God dammit. Come on. Something has to go right.
#HarryPotterLiveTweet

MY DOBBS

GO GO GO
#HarryPotterLiveTweet

Dude snapped his finger.

Is Dobbie like as powerful as Dumbledore or something.
#HarryPotterLiveTweet

Seriously.

No.

Please no.
#HarryPotterLiveTweet

I am filled with an incomprehensible rage.
#HarryPotterLiveTweet

I hate myself for the things I said about Dobbie

He only wanted the best
#HarryPotterLiveTweet

The wand isn't

Nope, its there.

Fuck.
#HarryPotterLiveTweet

Oh god I am not ready for tomorrow.
#HarryPotterLiveTweet

Doing shots now. I can't deal with this.

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More from @ChefShwasty

Chef Shwasty Profile picture
Oct 8, 2018
Right, so, my cat's a fucking psychopath

This is going to be a thread, and this is the start

Anyways, so we got Arwen a toy a while back: amazon.com/OurPets-Play-N…

(hOLY SHIT THAT'S A LONG LINK)

It squeaks at the slightest provocation

(Cont'd...)
Like, it squeaks when you pick it up, squeaks when you throw it, squeaks when it bounces, fucker squeaks when you even look at it funny

It doesn't bother me, because Arwen LOVES it. She's happy, I'm happy. I hear her playing with it at night; makes me smile

But...

Cont'd...
Arwen took it last night, and scampered off with it like a proud little huntress I went to bed, and just as soon as I was about to hit the lights, I hear the fucker short circuit

SQUEAKSQUEAKSQUEAKSQUEAKSQUEAKSQUEAKSQUEAKSQUEAK

I sprint out to the front room...

Cont'd...
Read 18 tweets
Chef Shwasty Profile picture
Oct 3, 2018
Let's talk about embarrassing my annoying coworker

Thanks to the combined efforts of my heroes, @vipbanaangel and @EinganaDragon, a can of surströmming is on its way (which is salt-fermented Baltic herring, and one of the nastiest things on the planet)

But here's the thing...
My coworker (henceforth known as D) is one of those tinfoil-hat wearing nut-jobs that think as soon as his face is on the internet, his identity will be stolen and the government will find him, and his life will be over

That being said, he's agreed to buckle on one account...
"I'd only be filmed if it's for a good cause"

I'm gonna get that in writing

Meanwhile, we're going to be advocating for donation "pledges" for the Oregon Foster Parent Association

This is how I've worked this out:
Read 4 tweets
Chef Shwasty Profile picture
Oct 1, 2018
Let's have a chat about Halloween movies

We'll do another bracket-style, and I'm thinking 16 movies:

8 Halloween classics
VS
8 scary movies

We'll let the majority decide on what the #ShwastyHalloweenSpecial is going to be, BUT there's another thing to decide (cont'd...)
And that... is the format for it

It can either be a #ShwastyLiveTweet like we're all used to

OR

It can be a live recording like what happened with @GeekGoodness

Which means you'd be able to listen to it at any time. We could also do another giveaway

BUT (more cont'd...)
There's pros and cons for each style

#ShwastyLiveTweet Pros:
-More generally accessible
-Easier to pick up and put down
-Easy to make a "best of"

Cons:
-Not as immersive
-Not as impulsive
-Not as drunk

(Cont'd...)
Read 4 tweets
Chef Shwasty Profile picture
Sep 11, 2018
Have you ever had that weird moment of realization that people see you?

Like, okay, hold on

You spend your entire life looking through your own eyes and moving your own limbs. You never see your facial reactions. You don't see how you walk, you just feel it.
And then you walk in front of a mirror and think, "fuck, this is what people are looking at?"

So you make a couple of the same gestures and faces in the mirror that you did with other people to see if they look weird

BUT THAT MAKES IT WEIRDER
And then you go back out and start trying to act natural like you didn't just have this exestential crisis of self and identity and are trying to play it cool

Meanwhile you're freaking out wondering if people feel the same way about their own emotive physicality
Read 5 tweets
Chef Shwasty Profile picture
Sep 2, 2018
Alright, so "Lost World"

I'm purposely not reading ANYTHING on the box, but I did see "4 years later" before I closed it

So the park has been abandoned for four years im assuming? And I'm hoping like a motherfucker @jeffreygoldbIum is in it

#JurassicParkLiveTweet starts NOW!
#JurassicParkLiveTweet

Shit it's been a while. I'm like... A little nervous?
#JurassicParkLiveTweet

Oh hey is that the same island from Lost?
Read 91 tweets
Chef Shwasty Profile picture
Jul 21, 2018
#ShwastyLiveTweet of #JurassicPark starts NOW

I know this movie is about a dinosaur island, which would been a less appealing name for the movie

I don't know any of the actors in it, or ANYTHING. I'm gonna go out on a limb and say something goes horribly wrong, though

HIT IT
#ShwastyLiveTweet #JurassicPark

I'm prepared y'all
#ShwastyLiveTweet #JurassicPark

This is some ominous ass music man.
Read 102 tweets

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