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May 12, 2018 135 tweets 33 min read Read on X
12pm: fire up #HarryPotter and the #DeathlyHallows pt2 for the potential finale of the #HarryPotterLiveTweet series

While we're watching this, remember that Harry was essentially a foster child, and every child deserves love and shelter: embraceoregon.org

LET'S GO!
#HarryPotterLiveTweet

Man it really sucks that y'all had to WAIT for this movie and I can just binge.

On the other hand, I have had like ZERO time to process my losses.
#HarryPotterLiveTweet

Man this shit is depressing.

Snape is up to something.
#HarryPotterLiveTweet

Here lies Dobby

A free elf

Two minutes in and I've already been punched in the chest.
#HarryPotterLiveTweet

Ayyy Bubbles.
#HarryPotterLiveTweet

Gryffindor sword hanging in the corner like it's no big deal.

Mount that shit on a wall or something.
#HarryPotterLiveTweet

Harry Potter and the Bank Heist
#HarryPotterLiveTweet

Who's the old guy?
#HarryPotterLiveTweet

Oh I thought he died. That's the wand merchant from the first movie, isn't it?

I thought Voldie toasted him.
#HarryPotterLiveTweet

"I sense his allegiance has changed"

Wands have feelings?

That's... Actually really cool.
#HarryPotterLiveTweet

So... Who has the resurrection st

OH OH THEY GONNA BRING SOME PEOPLE BACK, RIGHT??

SIRIUS, DUMBLEDORE, MOONEY
#HarryPotterLiveTweet

I remember the tale now. The resurrection was not a positive thing for the resurrected.

Probably not a great idea.
#HarryPotterLiveTweet

Even though its Hermione in Helena's soon, is it bad I still kinda want someone to punch her in the neck?

GOD I hate her.
#HarryPotterLiveTweet

This bank looks and feels like what a bank looks like while you're having an anxiety attack.
#HarryPotterLiveTweet

Smooth, Harry
#HarryPotterLiveTweet

The last four fucking movies have essentially been Harry Potter and the Shit that goes Sideways

I legit don't know how all of this can be fixed in 2 hours.
#HarryPotterLiveTweet

Also, side note, the Harley Davidson shop next door is making this impossible to hear at times.

If anyone here rides a Harley, question: WHY DO YOU REV THE ENGINE SO MUCH.
#HarryPotterLiveTweet

That's a lot of money.
#HarryPotterLiveTweet

In theory the whole world could've just ended because of self-replicating treasures.

Look up the Grey Goo theory
#HarryPotterLiveTweet

Never fucking trust a goblin.
#HarryPotterLiveTweet

Holy shit Hermione

Seriously?

You're gonna be THAT cool?
#HarryPotterLiveTweet

I now ship Harry and Khaleesi.
#HarryPotterLiveTweet

"Hello, my name is Sherri with the 11 o'clock news. Today, parliament remains at a stand still on the recent issue of green energy mandates.

Also, THERE WAS A FUCKING DRAGON."
#HarryPotterLiveTweet

Where is everyone else right now?

Like, the rest of the Weasleys, Longbottom, etc?
#HarryPotterLiveTweet

They attacked that beer, man.
#HarryPotterLiveTweet

Good try, other Dumbledore, YOU CAN'T POISON ME AGAINST REAL DUMBLEDORE
#HarryPotterLiveTweet

Couldn't Voldie just keep making horcruxes?
#HarryPotterLiveTweet

Also, if we're real about this, why not make a horcrux, tie it to a stone, and drop it in the ocean? Or blast it into space?
#HarryPotterLiveTweet

OH SHIT, THERE'S LONGBOTTOM
#HarryPotterLiveTweet

Damn, he got tall
#HarryPotterLiveTweet

OH

ITS DUMBEDORE'S ARMY

YESSSS
#HarryPotterLiveTweet

Eyyy Ginny.
#HarryPotterLiveTweet

So are there still different houses under the rule of Snape? Or is it just Slytherin?
#HarryPotterLiveTweet

I fucking hate Snape now, but Alan Rickman is perfect at this. His delivery is... Awe inspiring.
#HarryPotterLiveTweet

COME ON YOU CRAZY MOTHERFUCKER IT'S TIME TO THROW DOWN
#HarryPotterLiveTweet

Please don't hurt Cat lady
#HarryPotterLiveTweet

Oh I'm tearing. Please just go right.
#HarryPotterLiveTweet

What the hell is with the screaming?
#HarryPotterLiveTweet

Don't listen to him. FIGHT.
#HarryPotterLiveTweet

This is amazing.
#HarryPotterLiveTweet

I kinda feel bad that ALL Slytherin gets a bad name.
#HarryPotterLiveTweet

I know Cat Lady's name for reference, I just don't want to do her injustice by misspelling it.
#HarryPotterLiveTweet

I'm just gonna be teary for thr next few hours huh
#HarryPotterLiveTweet

Listen to Bubbles you fucking idiot
#HarryPotterLiveTweet

Of course Bubbles is a friend to the ghosts.

She could befriend a wall.
#HarryPotterLiveTweet

That's a lot of Deatheaters.
#HarryPotterLiveTweet

Well that's an interesting riddle.

I'm not even going to guess.
#HarryPotterLiveTweet

I love Fred and George.
#HarryPotterLiveTweet

They're going back into the chamber of secrets?
#HarryPotterLiveTweet

Burning down the Quidditch field was just mean
#HarryPotterLiveTweet

Holy dicks it just DISINTEGRATES THEM?!
#HarryPotterLiveTweet

Oh fuck.

Why did stabbing the cup do that to Harry?
#HarryPotterLiveTweet

EYYYYYY ITS ABOUT FUCKING TIME RON
#HarryPotterLiveTweet

He's overclocking the Elder Wand.

That's how you break it, dummy.
#HarryPotterLiveTweet

RUN LONGBOTTOM
#HarryPotterLiveTweet

RUN RUN RINDUJRJFNDJD
#HarryPotterLiveTweet

... Neville?
#HarryPotterLiveTweet

DON'T DO THAT TO MY HEART LONGBOTTOM
#HarryPotterLiveTweet

This is very LotR
#HarryPotterLiveTweet

What the hell Blondie, just be cool for once.
#HarryPotterLiveTweet

Ron and Hermione are torn: save the world, or find a janitor's closet
#HarryPotterLiveTweet

Seriously, Blondie?
#HarryPotterLiveTweet

He's such a coward.
#HarryPotterLiveTweet

FLAME SNAKE
#HarryPotterLiveTweet

UHHH FLAME DRAGON?
#HarryPotterLiveTweet

I hate him, but I don't want Blondie to die.
#HarryPotterLiveTweet

One of his cronies just ate shit though
#HarryPotterLiveTweet

Harry, you're a better man than most.
#HarryPotterLiveTweet

What up Voldie how ya feeling BITCH
#HarryPotterLiveTweet

God dammit they're destroying Hogwarts
#HarryPotterLiveTweet

Was that Stalker that just died?

DEER NUKE
#HarryPotterLiveTweet

Shit. I don't like this boat house.
#HarryPotterLiveTweet

Snape gets the Elder Wand?
#HarryPotterLiveTweet

Jesus... Snape didn't deserve that kinda death.
#HarryPotterLiveTweet

Wait he's alive
#HarryPotterLiveTweet

Why the tears?
#HarryPotterLiveTweet

I shouldn't be crying.

He killed Dumbledore.

MAN UP.

I'm dying inside.
#HarryPotterLiveTweet

Showdown in the forest
#HarryPotterLiveTweet

Remus... And was that one of thr twins?

Tell me it wasn't. Right?
#HarryPotterLiveTweet

Snape memory
#HarryPotterLiveTweet

Is that baby Snape?
#HarryPotterLiveTweet

Who's the girl
#HarryPotterLiveTweet

Aw, they got sorted into different houses

WAIT SHE SAID LILY
#HarryPotterLiveTweet

Snape tried to save Lily and James
#HarryPotterLiveTweet

He's been protecting Harry from the start
#HarryPotterLiveTweet

Dumbledore told Snape to kill him
#HarryPotterLiveTweet

Harry has to die?
#HarryPotterLiveTweet

He knew all of this

All along

Snape
#HarryPotterLiveTweet

They share a patronus.
#HarryPotterLiveTweet

Snape.

I'm so sorry

I ever doubted you
#HarryPotterLiveTweet

I am not okay
#HarryPotterLiveTweet

How dare you make me feel this way
#HarryPotterLiveTweet

The resurrection stone was in the snitch?
#HarryPotterLiveTweet

God dammit. Sirius. James. Lily. Remus.
#HarryPotterLiveTweet

Okay.

This is it.
#HarryPotterLiveTweet

THEY HAVE HAGRID
#HarryPotterLiveTweet

Holy shit

What?
#HarryPotterLiveTweet

He's... Kinda dead?
#HarryPotterLiveTweet

He can go back?
#HarryPotterLiveTweet

Help will always be given at Hogwarts to those who deserve it?
#HarryPotterLiveTweet

Get up Harry
#HarryPotterLiveTweet

What did she just whisper?

Fucking Harleys.
#HarryPotterLiveTweet

Poor Hagrid.

Harry is essentially his son.
#HarryPotterLiveTweet

Someone kill that fucking snake
#HarryPotterLiveTweet

Draco?

Fucking man up.
#HarryPotterLiveTweet

Longbottom?

What are you doing?
#HarryPotterLiveTweet

Don't do it Neville.
#HarryPotterLiveTweet

Neville has the sword
#HarryPotterLiveTweet

Malfoys decided to bounce
#HarryPotterLiveTweet

DO IT HARRY
#HarryPotterLiveTweet

Do it for Snape
#HarryPotterLiveTweet

FUCK

GO GET THE SWORD
#HarryPotterLiveTweet

EVEN HIS ROBES ARE DOUCHEY
#HarryPotterLiveTweet

YESSSSS

RON'S MOM KILLED HELENA
#HarryPotterLiveTweet

The elder wand isn't yours
#HarryPotterLiveTweet

FUCK YES NEVILLE
#HarryPotterLiveTweet

Finish it Harry.
#HarryPotterLiveTweet

He's done.

Fuck you, no nose no hair having black robe wearing snake looking ass motherfucker fucking SNAPE KILLING MOTHERFUCKER LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE WHO HIT THEIR FACE ON PAVEMENT MOTHERFUCKER

TURN TO ASH, MOTHERFUCKER.
#HarryPotterLiveTweet

Hagrid lived.

Thank god.
#HarryPotterLiveTweet

Good move with the wand, Harry.

Absolute power corrupts absolutely.
#HarryPotterLiveTweet

I feel my blood pressure normalizing.
#HarryPotterLiveTweet

Wait hey that's not thd end rigjt
#HarryPotterLiveTweet

19 years later....
#HarryPotterLiveTweet

Holy fucking damn he looks adult.

So does Ginny.
#HarryPotterLiveTweet

Draco is still about... Hm.
#HarryPotterLiveTweet

Ron and Hermione have kids.

And Ron has a beer gut haha.

I mean, I guess I can't laugh.
#HarryPotterLiveTweet

Albus. Severus. Potter.

I'm dying.
#HarryPotterLiveTweet

Chocolate frog. Like it began.
#HarryPotterLiveTweet

Roll credits.
#HarryPotterLiveTweet

So... When does the next movie/book come out? I want some followup.

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More from @ChefShwasty

Oct 8, 2018
Right, so, my cat's a fucking psychopath

This is going to be a thread, and this is the start

Anyways, so we got Arwen a toy a while back: amazon.com/OurPets-Play-N…

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It squeaks at the slightest provocation

(Cont'd...)
Like, it squeaks when you pick it up, squeaks when you throw it, squeaks when it bounces, fucker squeaks when you even look at it funny

It doesn't bother me, because Arwen LOVES it. She's happy, I'm happy. I hear her playing with it at night; makes me smile

But...

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Arwen took it last night, and scampered off with it like a proud little huntress I went to bed, and just as soon as I was about to hit the lights, I hear the fucker short circuit

SQUEAKSQUEAKSQUEAKSQUEAKSQUEAKSQUEAKSQUEAKSQUEAK

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Read 18 tweets
Oct 3, 2018
Let's talk about embarrassing my annoying coworker

Thanks to the combined efforts of my heroes, @vipbanaangel and @EinganaDragon, a can of surströmming is on its way (which is salt-fermented Baltic herring, and one of the nastiest things on the planet)

But here's the thing...
My coworker (henceforth known as D) is one of those tinfoil-hat wearing nut-jobs that think as soon as his face is on the internet, his identity will be stolen and the government will find him, and his life will be over

That being said, he's agreed to buckle on one account...
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I'm gonna get that in writing

Meanwhile, we're going to be advocating for donation "pledges" for the Oregon Foster Parent Association

This is how I've worked this out:
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Oct 1, 2018
Let's have a chat about Halloween movies

We'll do another bracket-style, and I'm thinking 16 movies:

8 Halloween classics
VS
8 scary movies

We'll let the majority decide on what the #ShwastyHalloweenSpecial is going to be, BUT there's another thing to decide (cont'd...)
And that... is the format for it

It can either be a #ShwastyLiveTweet like we're all used to

OR

It can be a live recording like what happened with @GeekGoodness

Which means you'd be able to listen to it at any time. We could also do another giveaway

BUT (more cont'd...)
There's pros and cons for each style

#ShwastyLiveTweet Pros:
-More generally accessible
-Easier to pick up and put down
-Easy to make a "best of"

Cons:
-Not as immersive
-Not as impulsive
-Not as drunk

(Cont'd...)
Read 4 tweets
Sep 11, 2018
Have you ever had that weird moment of realization that people see you?

Like, okay, hold on

You spend your entire life looking through your own eyes and moving your own limbs. You never see your facial reactions. You don't see how you walk, you just feel it.
And then you walk in front of a mirror and think, "fuck, this is what people are looking at?"

So you make a couple of the same gestures and faces in the mirror that you did with other people to see if they look weird

BUT THAT MAKES IT WEIRDER
And then you go back out and start trying to act natural like you didn't just have this exestential crisis of self and identity and are trying to play it cool

Meanwhile you're freaking out wondering if people feel the same way about their own emotive physicality
Read 5 tweets
Sep 2, 2018
Alright, so "Lost World"

I'm purposely not reading ANYTHING on the box, but I did see "4 years later" before I closed it

So the park has been abandoned for four years im assuming? And I'm hoping like a motherfucker @jeffreygoldbIum is in it

#JurassicParkLiveTweet starts NOW!
#JurassicParkLiveTweet

Shit it's been a while. I'm like... A little nervous?
#JurassicParkLiveTweet

Oh hey is that the same island from Lost?
Read 91 tweets
Jul 21, 2018
#ShwastyLiveTweet of #JurassicPark starts NOW

I know this movie is about a dinosaur island, which would been a less appealing name for the movie

I don't know any of the actors in it, or ANYTHING. I'm gonna go out on a limb and say something goes horribly wrong, though

HIT IT
#ShwastyLiveTweet #JurassicPark

I'm prepared y'all
#ShwastyLiveTweet #JurassicPark

This is some ominous ass music man.
Read 102 tweets

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