Okay. So I'm reading an old favorite of mine. And while I still love it it's so bad!

Head hopping.
Heaving bosoms
Blushing virgins.
HEAD HOPPING

oh my...

😂 Oh gods... And bold manhoods too.

Friendship is the oddest thing.

I don't offer it to many ppl bcs I'm usually disappointed. It's just been my life experience.

Today I've realized that I'm likely to be friends for a very long time with one person I haven't talked to much lately bcs of life/baby stuff.

& I sadly realized that two other peeps I had in the *friend* category have been demoted to *ppl I talk to sometimes*.

I don't really understand how or why that happens for me. It's very clear in my head, it's not something that's intentional in any way.

It just happens.

Usually

Ok. I was finally pushed into soft-blocking someone. I just did not want a big wig m/a/g/a type following me.

I looked at the timeline & profile & noped out.

He didn't take the hint & kept refollowing (yes I feel bad, maybe he didn't get it, & it's still ableist)

But I am a vulnerable minority, many of my twitter peeps are too, so nope nope. He's now blocked.

I sometimes hate this world.

For all I know he was trying to learn, but I can't afford to take that risk with either myself or my peeps.

Not in 2018.

SMDH. As I've *always* said

Gut punch.

500 agent queries on 3 books over 3 yrs.

I always told them my marginalizations (queer, autistic, mixed race, disabled, mentally ill) cause fuck, you'll see it in the MS.

I thought maybe I was fooling myself w/thinking my books were good.

Then I turned to small

https://twitter.com/SashaDevlin/status/1023944505039441922

press and got offers w/i months.

My most recent book is on bloody display at The Ripped Bodice (please go buy one there. Support their commitment to real diversity).

I was repeatedly told by agents that my books were *too diverse*.

I'm tired. But I'm not going to quit.

I snort every time I see people down on mobile eyebrows for writing stuff.

It's ridiculous. Do all y'all writers ever actually LOOK at another human's face? Eyebrows, lids & corners of the eyes are the MOST mobile & expressive parts of our faces.

Even more so than the mouth. I am quite proud to cling to my eyebrow motions in writing. My brows are the easiest way for you to tell how I'm feeling.

I can control my mouth and eyes okay, brows? Not so much.

Wiggly eyebrows are GOOD when describing characters. As with anything it shouldn't be overused,

This is a huge pet peeve of mine.

So many ppl use the term *Mary sue* to basically bash an authors work because it didn't resonate.

Very few ppl actually know what a Mary Sue actually is. (It isn't nice/saintly)

There's actually a very specific definition of what MS is.

https://twitter.com/Pinguicha/status/1020273394783334400

Betcha many of you couldn't explain it to a 5 year old, meaning you probably don't understand it.

So maybe don't use the term *Mary sue* with regards to an authors work unless you're REALLY SURE.

There's a (long) quiz linked on my website under resources for writers that

Started typing a thread out and deleted it because I just don't have it in me to answer responses to it right now.

I'm fine, but sometimes I just get so tired of hurting all the damned time.

Happiness is *a thing that exists* right? It's not just a made up fairy tale? Are there such things as happy, healthy families out there? My therapist says there are.

I don't know what it feels like to belong to something like that. I'm sad tonight because I wish I knew how it felt.

I wish the chronic life long depression, bitch-mother-kitty of anxiety

I'm re-reading @HHoangWrites #TheKissQuotient (read the first time in one sitting and forgot to tweet about it). Y'all, this is why #ownvoices fiction is so bloody important.

I can see myself in Stella. She sniffed Michael's t-shirt and is fascinated by his scent. That is so accurate to my #ActuallyAutistic experience of sensuality and romance that I'm almost in tears on the second read because I can finally see me in a majorly recognized romance novel.

And damn Helen, can you ever write how to kiss! #TheKissQuotient

Publishing? I need MOAR.

So. I did something today that anyone who cares about their authors should do. One of my favorite authors, one I'm slowly getting to know, has a book coming out on July 3rd.

The bookstore had it shelved already.

No big deal right?

Wrong.

First week sales are incredibly important to big name authors like this one.

Especially in Fantasy and Romance.

First week sales determine, among other things, NYT bestseller status and often, whether a publisher wants to contract another book or another series with that author.

It's their livelihood.

LASHBACK

I should really know better than to try to reach out to people who write books about abusing autistics. I really should.

Last night, after someone shared that defensive rebuttal to the WaPo article on Whitney Ellenby's website, I reached out to her, letting her know how harmful I, as an autistic, found that book. I asked her to please reconsider the release because she is going to hurt others like me.

She emailed me, implying that I had obtained the book illegally 'because it wasn't out yet.'

I made the mistake of replying. I don't know

Chp 33: MEET THE AMBASSADORS

#KaeEditsAUWE #ElmoMum Do I have to? Gods is this over yet? ><

#KaeEditsAUWE #ElmoMum

Chp 32: RE-ENTRY

#KaeEditsAUWE #ElmoMum She's going back to work, goes to a law conference.

Then there's a smack-damn good description of an autistic meltdown.

"As so often happens in moments of acute panic, I disassociate."

Hunh.

#KaeEditsAUWE #ElmoMum

Chp 32: BURDEN-SHIFTING

#KaeEditsAUWE #ElmoMum

Please let this torture be over soon. "What motivated this ordeal was a fundamental truth--that I cannot be happy if my son cannot function competently in his community."

Then she says he forgives her.

#KaeEditsAUWE #ElmoMum

It's true that autistics tend to be INCREDIBLY FORGIVING, often past reason.

Until you go

Chp 31: "WHY DOES ZACK EAT PLAYDOUGH"

#KaeEditsAUWE #ElmoMum She acts like Zack getting a high school diploma is not really needed if he can grocery shop alone or have a job.

Lady? You can hardly get a job with a BA these days, much less a highschool diploma.

In her own world.

#KaeEditsAUWE #ElmoMum

Chp 30: MASTER THE KINGDOM

#KaeEditsAUWE #ElmoMum Gods. Please let this torture be over soon.

#KaeEditsAUWE #ElmoMum

29: ALCHEMY

#KaeEditsAUWE #ElmoMum "In both my professional and personal life, I have always relied on a surfeit of words. But increasingly, Zack and I are finding non-verbal ways to communicate. Non-verbal cues are an essential and welcome relief

#KaeEditsAUWE #ElmoMum

Chp 28: "YOU BAD LITTLE Z!"

#KaeEditsAUWE #ElmoMum Shaking my damned head.

"A sudden eerieness spreads over me as I realize I am actually afraid of my own son."

She's taken him to an unfamiliar waterpark.

Why does she persist in doing this to him?

#KaeEditsAUWE #ElmoMum

Chp 27: BITTERSWEET

#KaeEditsAUWE #ElmoMum She claims her daughter Cassie is bossy, her commentary bold, blunt and unwelcome.

You knowwwwwwww.... those are very common traits for autistic females.

#KaeEditsAUWE #ElmoMum

Chp 36: MALE ROCKETTE

#KaeEditsAUWE #ElmoMum Seemingly without preparation, she takes Zack on the subway.

She knows absolutely NOTHING about autism. If you people are asking her questions? YOUR WRONG TO DO SO.

#KaeEditsAUWE #ElmoMum

She's surprised when Zack shits himself. Seriously?

He's probably 5 or 6.

Chp 25: LET'S MAKE A DEAL

#KaeEditsAUWE #ElmoMum This woman is disgusting. The next chpt she tortures her son, who she tortured w/ABA therapy into being afraid of dark, enclosed spaces...

w/a movie theatre. AND gives an arrogant speech to the other movie goers, blaming HER failures on Zack's autism.

#KaeEditsAUWE #ElmoMum

Chp: 23: THIS IS GOING TO HURT

all the trigger warnings on this chapter guys. I have a feeling it's really going to hurt autistic people.

#KaeEditsAUWE #ElmoMum Dad doesn't want to force him. GOOD FOR YOU DAD.

Divorce this abusive disaster dad. Jesus.

#KaeEditsAUWE #ElmoMum