David Burge Profile picture
Karma's janitor
كافر BlueHornet كافر Profile picture VK19 Profile picture 2 subscribed
Oct 9, 2018 5 tweets 1 min read
New from Kellogg's
Now with twice the raisins!
Oct 8, 2018 4 tweets 1 min read
your mom isn't that special, Fleet Week says
Good luck convincing a fucking cat to drag you out of your burning laboratory, Professor Von Asshole
Oct 8, 2018 5 tweets 1 min read
Oct 7, 2018 7 tweets 3 min read
If you're a Mercedes fan, my buddy Sergio Garibay's '32 Ford Tudor should be enough to give you a heart attack hint: look at the wheels
Oct 6, 2018 4 tweets 2 min read
Just sayin' I'm having an old friend for dinner
Oct 6, 2018 10 tweets 3 min read
Bring home the bacon. boys #FightForIowa #DefendFloyd The surprising history of Floyd of Rosedale, college football's best traveling trophy. Created to diffuse tensions over Minnesota's targeting of black Hawkeye halfback Ozzie Simmons in the 1934 game
Oct 5, 2018 6 tweets 1 min read
"Overexpansion"? Nonsense, there over one million Americans who live more than 300 feet from a mattress store #MattressStoreAccessNow
I just checked Google maps. Within 4 miles of my house there are 18 mattress stores.
Oct 4, 2018 4 tweets 2 min read
Flash #DavePoll: what day do you consider it to be? It's the Sophie's Choice of DavePolls
Oct 3, 2018 4 tweets 1 min read
Whatever man, we can always hire immigrants to take the test for us
I have enough confidence in the spirit, spunk, and ingenuity of Americans to assume we would work together to figure out a way to cheat on the test
Oct 3, 2018 4 tweets 1 min read
OMG I jUst GOt A teXt fROm TrUMp I am now TAKING NO ACTION like a muthafucka
Sep 30, 2018 7 tweets 3 min read
JFC At the South Austin Vintage & Custom Bike Show @ Independence Brewing ATX
Sep 30, 2018 4 tweets 2 min read
It's Always Abomination In Philadelphia I have nothing against Philadelphia. My son's beautiful talented girlfriend is the daughter of a busy Philly homicide detective. #truestory
Sep 26, 2018 4 tweets 1 min read
cleanse everything with fire
The Central Committee for Sensible Chuckling will now review all Television talk show segments to ensure they prompt an acceptable level of Party-affirming golf claps and head nods
Sep 25, 2018 10 tweets 3 min read
True confession: I really did graduate HS. 39th in a class of 53, with a 1.96 GPA. Spent 3 weekends detention for unexcused absences to get diploma, suspended 2x, went to jail 3 times. But never bullied anyone, & with girls I was a perfect gentleman.
Rap sheet: curfew violation at 15, minor in possession of beer at 16, drag racing at 16. Suspensions were for being high in school and for fighting (my opponent and I are still friends today).
Aug 22, 2018 6 tweets 2 min read
Great automotive accessories: Stewart-Warner Police Special speedo, with push-button timer for clocking speed in pre-radar days. This is a 1936 model, when 100 mph was nutso. Later models went up to 150 mph Frantz oil filter, which used a toilet paper roll as filter element. Why pay thru the nose for a new filter, when you can just steal one from the restroom?
Aug 16, 2018 4 tweets 1 min read
If people who think the press is the enemy can't be persuaded by 350 identical newspapers editorials, I guess I there's no hope for them
I'll pay attention to NYTimes lectures on free speech when they admit it's a right other people have too
Aug 15, 2018 4 tweets 2 min read
If you want a vision of Austin's future, imagine soccer stadiums crushing a human face forever Already seeing comments like "finally Austin will have a pro team to root for." Seriously, why would anybody? Not a dig at soccer, same holds for any instant expansion/relocated pro team.
Aug 13, 2018 4 tweets 2 min read
Happy #LeftHandersDay yes, yes, I know my picture deserved to come first, but you know how humble we left handers are about our accomplishments and what-not
Aug 12, 2018 6 tweets 2 min read
Danny Thompson's time slip from yesterday. Four Hundred and Forty-Six Miles Per Hour in a piston powered vehicle. Good luck to DT on his backup run today to break his own SCTA AA/FS world record Here's the car. If my calculation is correct, he covered that last mile in 8.06 seconds.
Aug 11, 2018 5 tweets 1 min read
Just learned my entire childhood was one non-stop white knuckle thrill ride of amazeballs
"OH MY GOD THESE SOYBEANS ARE AMAZING" - lawyer for porn star who banged the US president
Aug 11, 2018 10 tweets 2 min read
Good morning world That's Robert Stack belting back a bottle of bourbon driving past his oil wells in an Allard J2, in 'Written on the Wind" (1956). For my money, 10x the Texas soap opera potboiler of "Giant"