Thread by @holyqueerit

A deeply personal thread about what spirituality looks like for me, subject to change within the next hour.

This is also written specifically for my wandering, unchurched still-Christian fam. I love you. We're in this together.

The most exciting part of being an unchurched Christian, aside from actively avoiding religious trauma (#lol), is being able to distance myself from cold formulaic methods of approaching spirituality & embrace the beautifully mysterious dance with the divine.

Like, just learning just how *broad* of a definition church really IS.

I mean, I AM THE CHURCH, MOFUKKAS. I hold the Holy Spirit. Holla. I'm not just going grocery shopping, THE CHURCH IS TOO & SHE LOVES DORITOS.

(Oh btw, the Church also likes going to bars & ordering frozen strawberry margaritas. What a SHAME that modern churchfolk conveniently dismiss Jesus' first miracle. Their loss, but more for me I guess)

But forreal, for once in my life I actually feel like I AM the church. It's not just a fake catchphrase anymore. It's sunken into my soul. I have the power to bless & curse people everyday, wherever I am, at all moments. We all do.

My actions have weight. When I relied on church & ministry to "prove my Christianity" in a clear-cut way, I was able to justify bigotry -- but now, I have none of that, and the onus rests on me to not be an asshole. It always has, but I realize it more strongly now.

And perhaps this is lame, but when I talk to folks all over the world, I FEEL like we're a part of a spiritual family. I no longer "other" Christians outside of my narrow worldview. We're all connected. The mysterious & transcendent reality of the Body has become real to me.

& to be honest, part of me has grown out of the need for institutional church. I don't need people to dictate my actions. I don't want to stand up & worship when some straight old white man on a stage tells me to. Why do we listen to him anyway. Who died and made this trick king?

SO I WON'T DO IT. And wow it is so FREEING! I almost physically feel the chains of patriarchy and authoritarianism falling off (and getting caught on my leg hair #feminism).

But you know what? If I am suddenly overcome with the compulsion to worship & scream Lauren Daigle off-key in the shower... or pray in tongues silently in my car on a morning commute... I'll do that too. When I want to. On my terms. No one else's.

Speaking of prayer, it is so much cooler after throwing out all the garbage theology surrounding it. I can not do it for days. Weeks. I can do it several times a day. I can do it to mentally drown out my bigoted theology class lectures. Whatever. No guilt either way. I'm free.

Over Christmas break I heard a guy pray in a bar & he said "What the fuck, God." Best prayer I ever heard. Healed deep parts of me I can't explain. It was a level of genuine I'd NEVER heard in a church in my 26 years of living. The emotion was real. There was no show.

Also, can I just say how LIFE is so much better when you don't feel a constant inner compulsion to proselytize people? I can just let people BE and NOT feel forced to see them in a patronizing, objectifying, commodifying way! We all equally don't know shit and that's ok!

Oh, and the Bible. That book. I can read it whenever I want. No guilt here. The printing press wasn't invented until the 1400's so if I read it once a year, that's STILL more often than most early Christians did in their whole entire lives. They did just fine without it!

...But if I want to pick it up, I will. And I don't have to be forced to proof-text or read passages literally or fasten verses as weapons against minorities. I can take history & culture & science & genre & reason & the law of Love into consideration. It's great.

And can we talk about Jesus? He excites the hell out of my Pentecostal self. He was the original SJW. Can conservative Christendom stop making him sound boring? He was a radical, and when you read about him in light of cultural & historical context there's no denying it.

The best part of Jesus is that IMO he can speak to EVERYTHING. To every injustice. To every human rights violation. To every system of oppression build on pride, privilege, power, and greed. Racism. Homophobia. Nationalism. He hates it all.

He ain't sitting there policing you on your dress length or waving hell over your head like a deadly cat toy or being angry you don't sit as a passive member of an audience in a 501c3 building every Sunday between 10am-11am.

Jesus ain't got time fo dat.

He's in the business of proclaiming freedom to captives & setting the oppressed free.

In fact, saying that is what got him driven out of a synagogue at threat of murder.

He never went back to church after.

That passage resonates with me so much because I, too, never went back

Listen. Let me let all y'all other wandering, unchurched Christians in on a badass secret: I don't let people monopolize *my faith* and tell me how to live it. You shouldn't either. Those people don't OWN Christianity. They don't OWN Holy Spirit. They don't OWN you. We are free.

Pity them for subscribing to a life-sucking version of Christianity. Poor guys. Jesus came to give life and life abundantly, not to steal, kill, and destroy. Their version is not the only version out there. Make your OWN. Be real. Follow the wind of Spirit & let Her blow you.

Curse in your prayers. Scream. Sing to worship songs from the 90's as a big "EFF YOU" to all the people who wrote them & think you're hellbound. Laugh at their small-mindedness. Believe & proclaim there is a God built on love that CANNOT be taken away from you.

Even if EVERYONE AROUND YOU worships a malevolent, punitive, oppressive deity, REFUSE to believe their version is right. They're blind. They wouldn't know healthy spirituality & a theology of LIBERATION if it slapped them in the face. Don't let that stop you from finding it.

They don't know Jesus outside their religious trauma & abuse & guilt-tripping & self-loathing & fear-mongering. They are immersed in a subculture where that's all they've ever known. Give grace, but soar past them.

What keeps me going is this: Many of them want those who don't conform to walk away. They want me to walk away. They want us to walk away.

But I won't. I won't fucking go without a fight.

I will reclaim the label that's been stolen from me.

I will prove them and their despicable version of God wrong or I will die trying. The Spirit of Truth lives in me and I have all the tools I need.

So do you.

And the fantasy opinions of sanctimonious, small-minded people are not necessary.